Keep Your Word, Build Your Confidence

This is an excerpt from Conscious Men, written by John Gray and Arjuna Ardagh.

When a man feels stressed, he may want to forget or change his commitment because he forgets his sense of purpose, and he just says, “I know I said I’d do it today, but I’ll do it next week instead.” When he does that, his personal power decreases, he loses trust in himself, and his problems get worse and worse. The same does not apply to women. We have noticed that when women are stressed, they hold on more tightly to their commitments and feel burdened. By holding on more tightly to what she said she would do, she denies her fluctuating feelings, which makes her more stressed.


If you want to build muscle, you need to lift weights at a gym on a regular basis. When you increase the weights, you do not say, “This feels uncomfortable. I don’t feel like doing it today.” You made a commitment, and you do it. That is what strengthens physical muscles. Strengthening your personal power as a man is just the same: by making doable promises and then getting them done. One of the symptoms of having the personal power to get things done is a sense of confidence, a sense of clarity, and massive amounts of energy to follow through. When you see someone doing something with great confidence, it was because they spent years practicing and overcoming their resistance, staying to their schedule, keeping their word, and creating results. We may think, One day I will have the confidence, and then I will take action. But it works the other way. You do what you said you would do, step by step, and it builds confidence.

This does not happen by having things come easily but from all those times of difficulty when you go back and practice and take action. You do not have to be perfect at something to build confidence; you simply have to overcome your resistance, again and again, to doing what you said you would do. That is how we strengthen and grow our masculinity.

Most of the men we interviewed for this book spoke to us about a sense of calling. It may have come in isolation on a retreat, it may have come in prayer, and it may have come with a teacher or a mentor. It is the moment where you feel called by a force that your mind cannot understand but that is palpable. Some people might call that God or spirit or even your deeper true nature. When you serve something bigger than your mind, which you cannot rationalize, then keeping your word means to keep realigning to that sense of calling. At this point, the masculine part of you is responsible for doing what you said you would do, but the feminine part of you becomes receptive to the whispered command of that force beyond your own understanding.

From Conscious Men by John Gray and Arjuna Ardagh. You can order a paperback copy or Kindle edition on Amazon here.

Visit ConsciousMen.com to learn more.

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