“You’ve got so caught up in trying to win the game, or should I say trying not to lose, you’ve forgotten how to play for fun.”
“But you can’t do that kind of thing, its completely irresponsible,” I said, realizing I was repeating myself.
“On the contrary,” said Joey, “I feel very able to respond quite freely to every impulse which life brings. From outside and from within.” He was grinning now. “I’ve lived perfectly well like this for decades. I don’t have a problem.
“To live your whole life in fear and restraint is nuts,” he went on, cracking open a pistachio, “Calculation is irresponsible. It completely kills the ability to respond. I tell you, I just do what guides me. Then things always work out.”
“But if you just do whatever you want, like that, you’re going to end up killing people and getting into no end of trouble. What if you feel like walking off a cliff, or . . . or . . . doing something violent?”
“How often do you feel like walking off a cliff? The only time you ever think of a thing like that is when you’re lost in pessimistic thoughts! And violence is all the fruit of holding back; it’s like a pressure cooker.
“Things always turn out when you stop thinking. There’s something guiding all this, see? What do you think it is that makes the trees grow? What do you think it is that makes the flowers all these colors? What makes the clouds so beautiful? You think it’s just random voidness? Feel it! There’s a benevolence in all this. It can only take care of you, it can only nourish you when you learn to trust everything perfectly. And that don’t only mean the things that happen to you, but every impulse of God’s desire that rises inside you, too.”
Something inside me wanted him to be right. I could feel the ground slowly eroding under me, which just made the whole thing more and more annoying.
“So you are just suggesting that I should never think, and just act completely impulsively?”
“You’ll see, you’ll see. It will all drop away. It is all dropping away. Once you let go of all that is not you, things become very simple. You just need training. We will start our real work this afternoon.” He paused. “As soon as you start to think, you create doubt. And I tell you, doubt cancels out that benevolence as quick as pissin’ will put out a fire.”
“It just doesn’t make sense,” I complained.
“You’ve spent your life living from logic,” said Joey, “haven’t you? You’ve spent your life doing what you thought was reasonable. And how’s it worked out?”
I couldn’t answer him. He knew perfectly well.
Excerpt from Arjuna’s new novel, The Last Laugh.Buy your copy here.
photo credit: http://www.flickr.com/photos/mukumbura/4043364183/, http://markbourne.blogspot.com/2010/12/scenes-i-love-wwbd.html, http://rebloggy.com/post/red-water-nature-dew-water-droplets-rain-drop-red-leaves-red-leaf/11747320539