We need your help!!!!

Hey, we could really use your help here.   My novel, The Last Laugh, will be published by Hay House this spring.  We are all set for a great launch.  It has wonderful endorsements from great people. There is one small detail that still needs to be cleared up, and we can’t do it without your help.

You know on the back of every paperback book there is a little description  to see if you want to read the whole book?  Its called the Back Cover Copy.  Well, we have three versions, and we just cant decide which one to use.

So here is where we need your help.  Below, you will see three different versions.  Please take 3 minutes to read them.  And then, in the comments section below, please tell us which one of the three would most make a browsing customer in Barnes and Noble decide to take the plunge and get the book.

Thanks so much for your  help.  As my way of saying thank you, for everyone who helps out, I will send you the three sample sections from the novel that people have loved most at readings.

 

*

VERSION 1

I stood on the bridge just before midnight, the wind from the ocean arriving in violent blasts, as if saying under its breath, “Jump, motherfucker, jump.” This was the last of a string of attempted departures, most orchestrated in my tired mind. Always a bitter reminder of all that had been lost and destroyed by my foolishness.

When suicide feels like your best option, you know something has gone horribly wrong—and that’s just how Matt Thomson felt. He had lost everything: his wife, his children, his job, all his money, and his front door key.
But everything changes when a beautiful waitress at a late-night diner slips him a mysterious phone number. Soon Matt is launched into a friendship with Joey Murphy, ex-Merchant Marine, entrepreneur, teacher, and wild man, an enigmatic mixture of Forest Gump, the Dalai Lama, and a long-lost best friend.
Upon hearing Matt’s woes, Joey offers Matt a life-changing deal he can’t resist, claiming: “I give you ten days, starting today. I will show you all you need to see. It is up to you.” And with the deal struck Joey leads Matt on the roller-coaster ride of his life: a ten day adventure filled with dodging cop cars, playing Blind Man’s baseball on the edge of a cliff, finding heaven in a Taco Bell, and discovering what Joey calls “the True Teacher.” Throughout, Matt is forced to face his own deepest darkness and despair and becomes a better man in the process.

*

 

VERSION 2

Matt Thomson has lost everything: his wife, his children, his job, all of his money, and his front door key.  We meet him wandering the city aimlessly in late December, thinking of suicide.  Everything changes when he receives a mysterious phone number from a beautiful waitress in a late night diner.  It leads him to  meet Joey Murphy:  ex-Merchant Marine, mystic, entrepreneur and wild man,  an enigmatic mixture of Forest Gump, Merlin and your long-lost best friend.

“The life you know has been completely predetermined by automatic habits, both your triumphs and your failures. If you are really at the end of your rope, these habits will drop away, and you will be free of the chains that have bound you. I give you ten days, starting today.
I will show you all you need to see. It is up to you.”

Soon Joey is leading Matt on the roller-coaster ride of his life: getting chased by the police, playing Blind Man’s baseball on the edge of a cliff, discovering heaven in Taco Bell, and learning how to open the hearts of total strangers.  Joe introduces Matt to “the True Teacher,” but also leads him to face his own deepest darkness and despair.

*

VERSION 3

I stood on the bridge just before midnight, the wind from the ocean arriving in violent blasts, as if saying under its breath, “Jump, motherfucker, jump.” This was the last of a string of attempted departures, most orchestrated in my tired mind. Always a bitter reminder of all that had been lost and destroyed by my foolishness.

Matt Thomson has lost everything: his wife, his children, his job, all of his money, and his front door key.  We meet him wandering the city aimlessly in late December, thinking of suicide.  Everything changes when he receives a mysterious phone number from a beautiful waitress in a late night diner.  It leads him to  meet Joey Murphy:  ex-Merchant Marine, mystic, entrepreneur and wild man,  an enigmatic mixture of Forest Gump, Merlin and your long-lost best friend.
Soon Joey is leading Matt on the roller-coaster ride of his life: getting chased by the police, playing Blind Man’s baseball on the edge of a cliff, discovering heaven in Taco Bell, and learning how to open the hearts of total strangers.  Joe introduces Matt to “the True Teacher,” but also leads him to face his own deepest darkness and despair.

*

NOW, which version would most compel a browsing reader to buy the book?

Your comments appreciated below!

 

94 Responses to “We need your help!!!!”

  1. Anju December 1, 2012 at 3:59 pm // Reply

    I Like the first version most compelling 🙂

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    • arjunaardagh December 1, 2012 at 4:39 pm // Reply

      Thanks Anju. I will send you three sections from the book for you to enjoy!

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      • Aja December 1, 2012 at 8:21 pm // Reply

        I must say I dislike all three sections, and I’ll tell you why. I feel like the rug had been pulled out from under me.

        “Everything changes when he receives a mysterious note from a beautiful waitress…”

        Right there I’m hooked, thinking Matt is going to meet a strong, spiritual, modern woman, who will not only take him on an adventure of healing, but there is the possibility of a love relationship growing between them–a love so deep it soon sweeps them both away into uncharted, welcome waters.

        Yet, in the next sentence this whole promising, premise, which has been beautifully set up by the preceding sentence is ripped out of our mouth-watering reality when we find out this is just another tired buddy-buddy story about two men. One’s an ex-jock, who’s some sort of new-age guru who shows poor Matt the way to happiness and fulfillment.

        This is such a tired story line and quickly loses 50 % of your readers. Hopefully, there’s a version of your story where, the woman who wrote the letter, turns out to be this strong, independent, spiritualized woman who leads Matt on an unexpected adventure that surprises both of them.

        There was an intriguing possibility here for a powerful love story whose framework was hung on the spirituality, and the new consciousness emerging now, especially between men & women. Maybe that will be your next novel, or maybe I’ll write it.

        Warm alohas from Hawaii,

        Aja

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    • Ellie December 1, 2012 at 9:00 pm // Reply

      Hey Arjuna, I prefer the 3rd option. I think the choice of words here give a sense of mystery and definitely caught my attention more: Merlin, mystic, teacher…it works.

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    • MMStraub December 2, 2012 at 4:55 pm // Reply

      The blurbs look more like a write-up for the Amazon or B&N website, not something for the back of the book. The backs of many books give praise for previous books by the same author. I would be unlikely to buy this book with any of the three blurbs on it. My personal preference would be not to have a quote from the book at all (because if the book were in my hands, I could flip through it and find several quotes if I wanted them) but rather something that would be a hook or explanation that relates to the title you have given the book. I hope this helps and isn’t too far out of the boundaries you’d set up for this game to be helpful.

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    • jonathan robinson December 6, 2012 at 2:31 am // Reply

      I like the second version the most. It spoke to me the most, and wasn’t needlessly overdramatic. good luck…

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    • Barbara December 7, 2012 at 5:39 pm // Reply

      I like the third option because of the choice of words.

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  2. Andrea Stanclifff December 1, 2012 at 4:08 pm // Reply

    Hi Arjuna,

    I vote for Version #3.

    I really like the intro to versions 1 and 3, but #3 tones down the reference to suicide, which as I am sure you are aware, is a very sensitive subject to the thousands of people who have been affected by this type of tragedy.

    Looks like a great read!

    Love your work,

    Andrea

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    • arjunaardagh December 1, 2012 at 4:41 pm // Reply

      Thanks Andrea. Sample sections from the book on their way to you!

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  3. Samadhi December 1, 2012 at 4:35 pm // Reply

    Hiya,
    yes for number three.
    🙂

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    • arjunaardagh December 1, 2012 at 4:39 pm // Reply

      Thanks Samadhi. Some sections from the book on their way to you!

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  4. Miriam Kalliwoda December 1, 2012 at 4:36 pm // Reply

    I love the first version, it captured my interest the most. While reading Version 1 I felt as if I was sitting in this rollercoaster waiting to ride with Matt. I also love the comparison with the Dalai Lama

    Good luck, Miri

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    • arjunaardagh December 1, 2012 at 4:38 pm // Reply

      Thanks Miriam. I will send you three sections from the book for you to enjoy!

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  5. Cristina Andersen December 1, 2012 at 4:38 pm // Reply

    Dear Arjuna,
    My favorite version is the second one, nr.2!
    Interesting, isn’t it? You’ve got 3 views by now and they are all different! But this is my honest view. One of the reasons is that the quote comes in the middle of the text. The first part is really good and it catches the reader.

    Namaste
    Cristina from Sweden

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    • arjunaardagh December 1, 2012 at 4:45 pm // Reply

      Thanks Cristina. I will send you some goodies from the book

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  6. steve marshank December 1, 2012 at 5:02 pm // Reply

    I like the first one the best. It starts gritty then moves through despair and into seduction, mystery and adventure.

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    • arjunaardagh December 1, 2012 at 5:11 pm // Reply

      thank you Steve. Excerpts from the book on their way!

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  7. Eunice Carvalhinho December 1, 2012 at 5:03 pm // Reply

    Hi Arjuna!
    The second version is the one I would choose.
    I like the quote in the middle of the text.
    Keep on writing with all your heart and soul.
    Best wishes,

    Eunice from Portugal

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  8. Douglas Raglin December 1, 2012 at 5:07 pm // Reply

    I had to read them 2 or three times, but have settled on the first as being the best for back cover. Sounds like the downside of a Dirk Pitt story, has energy to it. I was always distracted, just slightly by the use of beautiful just before waitress, on all 3. For some reason it broke up the continuity of the rest of description

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    • arjunaardagh December 1, 2012 at 5:12 pm // Reply

      ok
      we can take out beautiful
      thanks Douggie!

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  9. Sati December 1, 2012 at 5:08 pm // Reply

    Hi Arjuna,

    I’m with Cristina! The quote in the middle of no 2 is what does it for me + its got all the info of the others without overdoing it. No 1 is intriguing, but puts too much emphasis on suicide for it to sound interesting to me.

    Love, Sati

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  10. Marita December 1, 2012 at 5:13 pm // Reply

    I would go for number 1. It really made me curious and it made me want to read the whole book!!

    Greetings from Sweden 🙂

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  11. Julia December 1, 2012 at 5:13 pm // Reply

    The first one for sure! I was putting my iPad away and twitter was open, your tweet being at the top. I am on my way out the door for a run but I click on it, not expecting anything and when I began reading version one, I was compelled to stop, sit down and really feel it as I read it. My favorite for sure! Good Luck….I will read it!

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  12. Jessi LaPorte December 1, 2012 at 5:19 pm // Reply

    Version 2 resonated with me. I feel it has a more hopeful flavor and positive energy that brought me into the story with an optimistic sense of inquiry. The other versions offered a heavy door that I wasn’t sure I would want to open.

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  13. Veronika December 1, 2012 at 5:21 pm // Reply

    I vote for number 2!
    Looking forward to the book 🙂

    Best wishes from Austria
    Veronika

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  14. Adele Connell, PhD December 1, 2012 at 5:25 pm // Reply

    I like Version 3 the best. I really loved the male perspective. I didn’t mind the cliche description of the waitress being beautiful. But, I did mind the motherf_____ comment right at the start. If you would please just use the SYMBOL (partial letters with some sort of ** like, “mother f***er” as your wording, it would convey exactly the same meaning and add the conservative perspective which some of us need. I’m not saying you have to do this in the book itself, but on the cover.

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  15. Ulrika December 1, 2012 at 5:26 pm // Reply

    Version 2 with no doubt. Here some interesting action will follow..

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  16. Andrea December 1, 2012 at 5:30 pm // Reply

    Number 1 is great 🙂
    I´m looking forward to your new book !
    I love to read your book and your newsletter, so much inspiring !
    Thank you so much.
    Best wishes from Germany
    Andrea

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  17. Eric December 1, 2012 at 5:31 pm // Reply

    I like the first one. Perfection for me would be the first one, and add the longer quote from the second one, I like the automatic habits, and the clearer challenge therein. But as is, I pick the first one.

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  18. stefanie December 1, 2012 at 5:40 pm // Reply

    Hello Arjuna! My vote goes to number 3…looking forward to this read.

    Be Well,

    Stefanie

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  19. Michael Burnstein December 1, 2012 at 6:01 pm // Reply

    I liked 1 or 3 and I think preferred 3. And I agree with the “beautiful” being removed, it was one of the first things that struck me as distracting and did not see relevant.
    Cheers,
    Michael.

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  20. Patrik Forsberg December 1, 2012 at 6:09 pm // Reply

    The second one, most natural in language, or should I say most fluently for me. Makes me wanna know more.

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  21. Name (required) December 1, 2012 at 6:15 pm // Reply

    Version 2 Looking, forward to read your book!

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  22. Rosemary December 1, 2012 at 6:16 pm // Reply

    Version 1
    It speaks straight to the heart. It’s impactful – it will immediately resonance with those who it will resonant with.

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  23. Annabell Östlundh Vindby December 1, 2012 at 6:19 pm // Reply

    posted on facebook but here once again, 1!

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  24. Nele December 1, 2012 at 6:24 pm // Reply

    Hey Arjuna! I like the 2. the best. The beginning of 1 and 3 (with the suicide thinkings) are a bit too sad and dark for me. I think I wouldnt read any further than and lay the book away. But in the 2. you already can read in next sentence that he will not kill himself, that makes me curious to read further 🙂

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  25. Monika December 1, 2012 at 6:35 pm // Reply

    No. 2 caught my attention immediately… Good Luck!

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  26. Luis Diaz December 1, 2012 at 6:45 pm // Reply

    #1 and #3

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  27. Gudula December 1, 2012 at 6:49 pm // Reply

    I like the first Version … it feels mostly alive and right into the storry —

    looking forward, to read more

    thank you, Arjuna

    Gudula

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  28. Lori Cassidy December 1, 2012 at 6:53 pm // Reply

    #3 is most compelling to me.
    “learning how to open hearts…
    and ..True teacher leads him..
    gives me the esesnse of the story and makes me want more

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  29. Marion December 1, 2012 at 7:10 pm // Reply

    My vote goes to number 2. It sounds like an interesting read.
    I had a greater sense of the spiritual influence with number 2.

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  30. Barbara Luzi December 1, 2012 at 7:41 pm // Reply

    I’d go for 2. It sounds most compelling and I’d definiteley buy that book.

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  31. Freda December 1, 2012 at 7:46 pm // Reply

    Arjuna, You are the best writer and I am sure that you know the one that is best for your book. Hey, but thanks for asking.

    Yours,
    Freda

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  32. Mahendra December 1, 2012 at 8:01 pm // Reply

    Hi Arjuna. Congratulations on the novel. For me it’s the second. I don’t like the suicidal moment in my face (bad old memories) and the other quote is much more intriguing to me. Apparently, I also like my quotes centered in a bit of context. Good Luck and I hope to see you soon. Love M.

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  33. Mac Nicolson (Yogi) December 1, 2012 at 8:15 pm // Reply

    Number two does it for me. I prefer Merlin to the Dalai Lama. More intriguing. Also, although the quote is not quite as sensational as in the other two I somehow prefer it…..I might even read your motherfucking book!

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  34. Andrea December 1, 2012 at 8:24 pm // Reply

    Hi Arjuna,

    Sounds interesting and I’m looking forward to it.
    I like #1 und #3.
    But then I think with #3 you could reach more readers. Bit shorter and the suicide theme not so much in the front.

    All the best
    Andrea

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  35. hanna December 1, 2012 at 8:38 pm // Reply

    1st one

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  36. dana December 1, 2012 at 8:53 pm // Reply

    I vote for no.2! Less centered on suicide and more on the possibilities. One wants to read more.
    Dana from Chile

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  37. Iris December 1, 2012 at 8:56 pm // Reply

    I like #1 the best. It grabbed my attention right away. I must admit I loved the quote “Jump, motherfucker, jump.” Coming from a ‘spiritual’ writer, it created an earthy real-ness that drew me in and made me curious.

    Also, I agree with Douglas, the ‘beautiful’ waitress somehow made you lose credibility in my eyes. I really just want her to be ordinary and real.

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  38. Pernilla December 1, 2012 at 9:06 pm // Reply

    3

    Intuitive and also what landed most in me.

    Good luck!!

    🙂

    Pernilla

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  39. Ina December 1, 2012 at 9:11 pm // Reply

    The second version -Just by the feel of it.Good luck.Germany ,Black forest.

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  40. gitama December 1, 2012 at 9:16 pm // Reply

    The second works best for me. It feels abrupt to be switching from 1st to 3rd person to me. It flows better when it’s all the same 3rd person. At least for me.

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  41. Arvy December 1, 2012 at 9:24 pm // Reply

    The second one was straightforward. It got my attention right away. It was riveting – I wanted to read the whole thing. The first and third was too heavy. I didn’t resonate with them as I never really thought of killing myself in the past. When I saw it, I went, “okay, this doesn’t apply to me – there’s nothing to get from this one”.

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  42. Maria December 1, 2012 at 9:59 pm // Reply

    Version 2!
    “If you are really at the end of your rope, these habits will drop away, and you will be free of the chains that have bound you.”
    That’s it ….:-)

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  43. Daniela December 1, 2012 at 10:59 pm // Reply

    I like the version 1 the most!
    With love,
    Daniela
    (Munich)

    Please translate it in german soon,
    because I really would like to read it!!

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  44. Jon Roth December 1, 2012 at 11:08 pm // Reply

    The first one works for me. Sounds great!

    Jon

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  45. Anja December 2, 2012 at 12:17 am // Reply

    Hi Arjuna, i like number three.

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  46. Martina December 2, 2012 at 2:49 am // Reply

    I like the first version best.

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  47. Uszula klich December 2, 2012 at 3:54 am // Reply

    I really liked number two- it was intriguing and inviting me to sit and read on. It felt more like a boom that would allow the process of reflection and and speak of resilience growth and development. I felt one was harsh and had me taken aback because I hear clients suffering all day long and didn’t find myself wanting to absorb the persons dramatic energy.
    This second one felt more consistent with hearing you speak in seminars- the other two made me wonder if you are getting into a vastly different niche. Regardless I am happy for you on this book and am curious to read more. Namaste, urszula

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  48. Muffy December 2, 2012 at 4:12 am // Reply

    Version 2 is my favorite.

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  49. Glenn December 2, 2012 at 4:52 am // Reply

    Hi dear Arji, Thanks for the invitation. I suggest a bit of a combination of one and three, as follows.

    — end the italicized quote with an ellipses after the word departures. What comes after that has less immediacy and is asking too much of the casual blurb reader.

    — I agree with the prior comment about refraining from offending some readings unnecessarily with the motherf – – word.

    — Begin the next section with “Matt Thompson has lost everything . . .” s entence from version three. I suggest that the second sentence be “When suicide feels like your best option . . .” from version one. You will have to rework them slightly to get the flow right, but that’s the general idea. Punchy and gripping.

    — Follow with the two sentences “Everything changes . . . ” and “It leads him to meet . . .”

    — Follow with the final paragraph from versions two and three, ending in “darkness and despair.” I do not care for ending with the “better man” part.

    Have fun! Love, Glenn

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  50. Klara Weibel December 2, 2012 at 6:36 am // Reply

    Hi Arjuna,
    I would choose the second version.
    I look forward to read your new book soon.
    Klara

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  51. Björn December 2, 2012 at 7:05 am // Reply

    Hello Arjuna,
    After reading all three, the one version which appealed most to me was version two (2), I found it compact, pulling me into the text. Probably because it has a more uplifting feel to it, and I liked the quote in the middle of the text, and the likening of Joey to Merlin, feels less clichéd somehow than likening him to Dalai Lama, and more interesting! So, the best version according to me: Version 2, and then version 3 and last – version 1.
    Thanks, and good luck!
    Björn

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  52. alan December 2, 2012 at 7:39 am // Reply

    Hi Arjuna,
    the first version is great.
    Looking forward to this one. I loved Translucent Revolution.
    All the best,
    Alan

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  53. Karen December 2, 2012 at 7:56 am // Reply

    Hi Arjuna!

    My favorite was number 2, hands down. It was perfection!

    Yay for you and your new book!

    Karen

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  54. SAJO December 2, 2012 at 10:24 am // Reply

    hi arjuna,
    #3 is the best for me…although it should not end with the word “despair”..
    I would end it like that (just a suggestion)
    playing Blind Man’s baseball on the edge of a cliff, discovering heaven in Taco Bell by leading him to face his own deepest darkness and despair and learning how to open the hearts of total strangers.

    besides Forrest Gump with double rr 😉

    in deep thankfulness for your work
    love,
    sara

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  55. Linda-Marie December 2, 2012 at 12:34 pm // Reply

    I like the dramatic beginning in verson one, until the “But everything change…”-part. There it starts to sound a bit too alike all the other similar stories.
    I wanna know what is different about your story?
    I like your writing because of your dept, and precense with humour.
    I wanna know more about opening heart to strangers and facing fear instead of doing crazy stuff.. The tacobell heaven could also stay. Maybe less names of who he meets and more heartopening promises 😉

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  56. Malin Laakso December 2, 2012 at 5:30 pm // Reply

    The first one is the best.
    It gives me a stronger feeling of precence. It feels like you are inviting the reader into the story. It requires a few seconds more of concentrentration, to grasp the context , but it also makes the reader more of a participant in the process.

    Good Luck !
    Malin

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  57. Janell December 2, 2012 at 5:46 pm // Reply

    I vote for version 1 – immediately caught my attention with the intense beginning. I agree that “beautiful” needs to be deleted before waitress; just not necessary.

    Thanks! Wishing you the best.

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  58. Jacek December 2, 2012 at 8:41 pm // Reply

    Version number 3 definitely

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  59. Sonja-Elisabeth December 2, 2012 at 9:10 pm // Reply

    The first version feels like the optimum my fist choice, the version three would be my second.
    greetings from austria 😉

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  60. Betty December 2, 2012 at 11:19 pm // Reply

    Arjuna,

    I like the first one. It sounds interesting.

    Good Luck,
    Betty

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  61. Maria December 3, 2012 at 12:55 am // Reply

    Version nr 1 pulled me in and clouded my attempts to be interested in the other 2 options. It’s dark and troubled with mystery that promises to reveal… the light? I like the freshness about it and the fact there’s a clear spiritual quality to the story without being preachy or precious.

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    • Maria December 3, 2012 at 12:56 am // Reply

      I forgot say I like the line “learning how to open the hearts of total strangers” that is missing from #1.

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  62. Danica December 3, 2012 at 4:03 am // Reply

    Version 3

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  63. Marianne December 3, 2012 at 1:39 pm // Reply

    Dear Arjuna, I like the version 2 most – it is the wording you use (the motherfucker turns me down…) and as well the paragraph in the middle that I find very compelling.
    Cheers from Vienna!
    Marianne

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  64. Stella December 3, 2012 at 2:27 pm // Reply

    Hi Arjuna,
    I would say the third one..
    I definitely don’t like the first one and the second is nice but not so direct for me..
    Good luck!!

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  65. Margo December 4, 2012 at 5:51 am // Reply

    I prefer the third version. The first seemed like it needed editing, too long. The 2nd was good except I felt the part about predestination may be a turn off to some readers, without a good lead in, or foundational background.
    The third seemed like a good synopsis, and in the last couple of sentences dangles the intrigue of an awakening that is not happening in an ashram or a yoga center.

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  66. Joshua Truman December 4, 2012 at 5:53 pm // Reply

    Dear Arjuna:

    Version two is the only one I would accept: you simply cannot use the word motherfucker to sell a book about hope or transformation. Even many people who have found themselves face to face with their own suicide would kill themselves before using that word.

    I use it all the time, just in traffic, don’t get me wrong. But it’s like shoving a skewer stick in some people’s ear: they just stop listening. Stopping listening isn’t a way to get someone into your book: it is the way to get them to put it down and pick something else up.

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  67. Pratik Stephen December 10, 2012 at 10:18 pm // Reply

    2nd version. It hooks in the reader before a quote.
    In the other versions I wouldn’t read the entire quote without some basic background story or hook.

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  68. August December 10, 2012 at 10:52 pm // Reply

    version one caught my attention drew me in and the journey began..

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  69. Arnold Crown December 11, 2012 at 3:12 pm // Reply

    I vote for #3 To start with an extract of text is good and then the content is presented in a short and attractive way and words.

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  70. Olli December 13, 2012 at 3:13 pm // Reply

    My Dear,
    my heart says version 3.

    And while having the chance to drop a line which you might read, just wanna say
    I love you endlessly. You’re such a wise and gorgeous being. Just like me. 🙂

    Kiss you,
    Olli

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  71. Craig December 14, 2012 at 12:42 am // Reply

    I would choose # 2. I agree with some of the points made by others….1) Take out beautiful about the waitress, 2) Simply remove the last part of the sentence ” thinking of suicide”. 3) I also don’t mind the word mother fucker, it just seems out of juxtaposition.
    Thank you!

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  72. Danya Daccash December 24, 2012 at 6:56 pm // Reply

    Arjuna,

    It sounds like an interesting book. I have experience editing, and from my perspective #2 is my preferred choice. I believe the quote needs to be “set up”. It also feels like the right choice, energetically. I wish you luck on your book!

    Namaste,
    Danya Daccash
    telecounsellingforwomen.com

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    • Danya Daccash December 24, 2012 at 6:59 pm // Reply

      Arjuna, I should add a direct question. What does your intuition or gut say to you?

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  73. Patricia December 25, 2012 at 6:30 am // Reply

    My sense is to write a 4th, Arjuna. In my humble opinion there is too much ‘telling the story’ going on in all 3. No offense. Maybe it sells books these days, however, I want to offer some ideas to ponder…

    Keep some mystery and ambiguity in order to intrigue the buyer/reader …

    Then again, this all depends on the age of your intended reader/buyer: male and female teen, young adult, older adult? How old is Matt?
    —–

    I would begin with a question and end with a quote:

    “Have you ever lost everything that was important to you? Matt (last name) beat himself up for all that had happened, and it stripped him of his will to live. Pain, confusion, overwhelm haunted him daily without relief…until that day.

    “One small kind act led him to take a chance. Matt had to choose.

    “Was he up for an adventure to places he had never been before, where he’d be challenged to unravel, open, and go way beyond all he had ever known?

    “Join Matt on a mysterious quest that could possible destroy more or re-awaken a yearning for life and living.

    “I give you ten days, starting today.
    I will show you all you need to see. It is up to you.”

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  74. Klaus December 26, 2012 at 2:55 pm // Reply

    Hi Arjuna,
    I like the first version. After reading that, I want to know more.
    Greetings from Germany

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  75. Kathryn December 28, 2012 at 7:37 am // Reply

    I prefer the first entry… However, I would take out a bit of the detail regarding the new friend, leaving the adventures to be revealed in the book 🙂 I almost feel like its telling me a little TOO much! Best of luck!

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  76. Aiyana January 2, 2013 at 1:41 am // Reply

    I prefer versions two and three — one is two long, and gives too much of the story away. I would say that no. two is best — whets the appetite of the reader and leaves her ready for more. The book is a wonderful ride!

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  77. Nancy January 6, 2013 at 2:40 am // Reply

    I preferred # 1; I want to read this book…not so much the other 2 versions. I do agree with the comment to omit “beautiful” as descriptor of the perceptive waitress…Cheers!

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  78. Stephanie January 9, 2013 at 9:41 pm // Reply

    The third example gives me a reason for wanting to read the book. It tells me that this is a story about the only thing I really care for: The Truth. But the part about a ‘beautiful waitress’ is confusing because I’m not sure if she is part of the story or not. And if she isn’t I don’t need to hear about her: its just distracting.

    Also, I like the quote about suicide WAY BETTER than the quote about “predetermined automatic habits”.

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  79. Name (required) May 20, 2014 at 6:55 pm // Reply

    My favorite is the first. Leading with the chosen excerpt is immediately enticing. The description of Joey Murphy is the most appealing of the 3 and rouses my curiosity. And I appreciate that it specifies the necessity of Matt dealing with his own despair in order to find his own reason for living.

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