Do Collective Apologies Heal or Harm?

It’s hard to believe that 150 years ago, white people owned black people in 23 states. Slavery ended with the surrender of General Lee in 1865. Chief Justice Roger Taney, on behalf of the U.S. Supreme Court, wrote in 1857 that black people were “so far inferior that they had no rights which the white man was bound to respect.” Do you think that Taney could have imagined, in his wildest dreams, that we would elect an African-American president in 2008?

Today, people with different colored skins have more or less the same opportunities and rights in this country. Does that mean that racism has been completely eradicated? I don’t think so.

In the same way, back in the 1920s, women protested for their right to vote. It was a struggle, but they succeeded. In the 70s, women demanded their right to participate in a social and economic system that had been mostly created by the male mind. Women became judges, police, politicians, religious ministers, all roles that had been previously reserved for men.

And now, in the last few years, we’ve seen women step up again, not to participate in structures created by men, but with their own expression of feminine wisdom. Countless books have been written now on feminine leadership, feminine ecology, feminine approaches to education and art, and perhaps most important, the emergence of feminine spirituality. Does that mean that repression or even disrespect of feminine energy by men is gone? I don’t think so.

Last summer, Dr. Gay Hendricks and I put together a document called “A Manifesto for Conscious Men” as a Facebook page. We’ve been friends for a long time, and we’ve both discovered a reverence for feminine energy through being married to extraordinary, deep, creative, and powerful women.  We’ve put this document together with the help of other men who want to express their welcome and celebration for the return of feminine wisdom on our planet, to balance the gifts of the masculine. It also acknowledges and apologizes for the imbalance of thousands of years.

Obviously this is a compelling subject for many people. Our Facebook page drew about 8,000 “likes” over many months, and initiated an online community of people who are interested in discussing the balance of masculine and feminine energy, in every way.

This Christmas, the Hendricks had their annual party. We grabbed a few guys and asked them if they’d like to read parts of the manifesto into a camera, not quite sure where the project would go. Later when I got back to my sleepy little town in the Sierra Nevada Foothills, I got the guys in my mens’ group to do the same, and then asked a few other friends.

We put together a movie of our manifesto called “Dear Woman.” We put it up on YouTube, thinking that the members of our Facebook group would enjoy it. We announced it to them on April 2nd.

We had no way to anticipate what was going to happen next.

In the intervening ten days, that amateur little movie has been viewed by over 350,000 people. Some women obviously appreciated the gesture, and were forgiving of the slightly happy-go-lucky style of our film. Some women were offended, saying they found it patronizing or insincere. Some men (the minority, mind you) resonated with the message, but the overwhelming majority of the men who saw the video were completely enraged. A civil war has been going on on that YouTube page ever since, with the majority of comments in total-war attack mode.  We even received three death threats.

The major offensive came with people assuming that Dr. Hendricks and I are a gay couple, and every kind of debasing slur has been hurled at us. I never knew what it was like to be the victim of gay hatred, being a heterosexual man, but now I know. It ain’t pretty.

Ironically, the second offensive came with people assuming that this was a cunning strategy to “get laid.” “This is the only way that those two old guys could possibly get any,” one rioter lobbed at us. Again, this is ironic because we are both in marriages that are off-the-charts fulfilling in every way.

But the more serious objections came from those who questioned if it’s sane, valid, necessary, or even “allowed” to offer an apology for things you did not personally do. Many of the men who posted were outraged that we would have the audacity to speak on behalf of other people, most of whom are no longer alive.

This is actually a really interesting question.

I have a friend who was in born in Israel, but moved to the United States before he was old enough to enter the army. He wound up becoming roommates with a young Palestinian boy, in his freshman year of university. There they were, the first day, in the same room. My young Israeli friend had never done anything to harm any Palestinians, but he felt moved that first day to say, “Listen. I know what my people have done to yours, and I’m really sorry.” The Palestinian reciprocated the apology, and they quickly became friends.

Was that conversation sane, necessary, and allowed? Can white people apologize on behalf of their ancestors for what was done to African Americans a long, long time ago? Could a young German express deep regret for what his forefathers did to the Jews?

Can collective apologies initiate healing where it would otherwise not have occurred, or do they simply create guilt and shame in people who have done nothing wrong?

Dr. Hendricks and I will be addressing the many comments that have been made about this video on a tele-seminar this Thursday, April 14th, at 6pm PST. You’re welcome to attend. If you miss the live event, you can register anyway to listen to the replay.

You can register for the tele-seminar here.

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130 Responses to “Do Collective Apologies Heal or Harm?”

  1. marymandy9 April 12, 2011 at 4:56 pm // Reply

    It is so amazing to witness the differing filters/lenses people view and experience the world through. Kudos to your short film, I enjoyed it as did my husband.


    • dirtydog1776 April 18, 2011 at 3:31 pm // Reply

      That is nice. Did he remember to ask your permission like a good, little boy?


  2. Lilith Katz April 12, 2011 at 5:13 pm // Reply

    I think one can only directly apologise for one’s own actions, however one can offer a collective energetic or sympathetic apology with an open and kind heart, offering it in a spirit of openness and leave it there, in the world for people to do with what they will. I shared the video in a number of online places and was shocked to see the negative and cynical reaction of some women I knew, no men, but equally, there were more women who responded with gentleness and openness to it than there were with cynicism.

    I’m deeply saddened to hear of the threats and hatred that’s been leveled at you both, you are both beautiful men and beautiful human beings from what I know of you both.

    But… we are in a time in our world where the divisions between love and fear are becoming ever more clear, ever more apparent and therefore ever more divisive. People are standing on the ”side” of one or the other more and more clearly, this was predicted and so it is coming to pass.



  3. Tany April 12, 2011 at 9:15 pm // Reply

    a) racism has been completely eradicated but when it was publicly disallowed it became unconscious. this is why you still talk about it with such conviction. While political and social division happens in Israel, there is no personal application; people stay true to who they are in most every case…this item is non found in the US. .im from Isreal..
    b) “This is the only way that those two old guys could possibly get any” is a good point i say as man;)
    c) Can white people apologize ? and to whom ?
    Apologies are not enough !! because Earth is dying
    as we continue to hope for “better future”
    positive: my impression of this movie is that it comes out too blunt, the form of apology the facial may be not honest. not in that you are not honest but in not showing the entire scene of how behaved or played with this idea between you the friends who originated it – because you must go deeper with this media, movies can be done with the simplest means but the maker mind behind is the what makes it work this way or the other.

    last; Arjuna still kept in my mind eye your going down to the Yuba River for a video. you once said .and i love that old wood bridge
    Namaste Josef


  4. diana April 13, 2011 at 12:59 am // Reply

    I think we are all connected. If I appologize for somebody else, it can heal. AND everbody of us has the inner capacity to do the worst. Just we decided not to do it. “JUST LIKE ME”! can help not to see the world in black and white. And we are not ready to REALLY integrate weak, ill, handicaped etc. persons. As long as we don`t accept that we are all ONE we are the week or ill etc.!! As Jesus said: the last will be the first- in a translucent world.


  5. Jai Dev Singh April 13, 2011 at 11:46 am // Reply

    Really interesting Arjuna! What a trip! I personally loved the video and so did my wife. Good job…put out another one 🙂


  6. Shiloh Sophia April 13, 2011 at 11:48 am // Reply

    I appreciate this background – many of the women in my community have watched and had mixed responses but mostly appreciate this as initial step in bringing awareness. If we waited for perfection, what would we get done? It is quite revealing however, about who and where we are – the angry and ignorant responses. I do believe in collective apology as it raises awareness for the present, as well as showing our willingness to KNOW we are a part of the collective, and is humbling to apologize for contributing to a field of violence, energetic and otherwise.

    From a production standpoint, I do however think having a little intro about how this came about specifically, like this, would be helpful to include with the video. As well, I wish wish wish and so do others that you change it to DEAR WOMEN.

    May you be protected as you move forward. Will your wives be on the call?


  7. Summer April 13, 2011 at 11:52 am // Reply

    I thought your video was beautiful and touching, and appreciate your very positive intentions.


  8. Alexandra Pope April 13, 2011 at 11:57 am // Reply

    I found the video very moving. As a woman I want what has occurred to women historically to be acknowledged in this public way. I feels like such a relief to my being. No, the men of today did not cause the repression of the past but they benefit from the privileges of growing up in a culture in which masculine way/ values are elevated over feminine. Everything is connected. And I say yay to you for doing this apology, it’s a mark of maturity, and willingness to meet us women in a new kind of relationship. this is a powerful thing that you have done and we look back on it as a key turning point. And I am sure you already know that a big backlash is a sure sign you’re on to something!!! Keep going…..


  9. Nannette April 13, 2011 at 11:57 am // Reply

    I was personally so touched by the “Dear Woman” video that it brought me to tears…of joy, gratitude, and total surprise that these beautiful men of all ages could be so loving and sincere. I passed it on to many women friends who also were blown away by how healing this group apology was. I feel we are in the midst of healing both our sacred masculine and divine feminine on the planet, and this video spoke so perfectly to that. Once we realize that we ARE all one, it makes complete sense that a collective apology and making new vows is a healing act. I not only applaud this effort, but wonder if there is another video in the making where the collective feminine could apologize to the men, and make new vows for a conscious, loving partnership with them. If so, count me in! I would be honored to be a part of it. Munay–


    • Ronja November 16, 2011 at 11:01 pm // Reply

      Thank you Nannette. I couldn’t agree more. Love the ‘Dear Woman’ film, and so do all to whom I’ve shown it.
      Loving blessings,


  10. SarahB April 13, 2011 at 11:59 am // Reply

    shocked by some of the negative responses you received for such a heartfelt video. I personally didn’t really pick up too much about the ‘apologising for historical pain’ aspect, to me it felt more like an acknowledgement that masculine energy had contributed to negative activity in the world (and still does). i didn’t take it that you and Guy were personally asking for forgiveness or apologising for others’ bad actions, rather that as men you were standing up to say ‘yes, we do see that this is wrong’. To me by doing that it helps form a good natured bond between you as men and any female audience, similar to the respect forged with your Palestinian/Israeli example.
    If this video can help women have hope in co-working with compassionate men to move forward for good, then why all the haters on youtube?!!!!
    I don’t think blame helps anyone, and this isn’t about pinning blame on anyone. Collectively all kinds of people have acted in questionnable ways through fear/not being consious/social programming. it’s just cool when someone steps up and acknowledges that this happens and wants to move past it.
    So major kudos to you guys, keep rocking it xo


    • SarahB April 13, 2011 at 12:01 pm // Reply

      i meant Gay, sorry xo


  11. Katrina April 13, 2011 at 12:03 pm // Reply

    Do collective apologies heal or harm? I think it never hurts to apologize.
    I understand that I cannot take personal responsibility for the behavior of my ancestors, just as I would hope that another group of people would not hold me responsible for the behavior of my ancestors.
    HOWEVER. I do believe that it softens people’s hearts and helps bring people down from the offensive to simply acknowledge that yes the past did happen, and to express regret or sorrow (perhaps in the form of an apology) for the hurt and harm that did occur.
    Life in and of itself is full of pain and suffering…to think that we can get through it all alone, as individuals, is folly. We need each other, we need camaraderie in order to make it through life and all its obstacles intact. For this reason, collective apologies as healing make perfect sense to me.
    Thank you for your video. I took it in the spirit in which it was given, and it touched me. Thank you.


  12. Alexander Ballard April 13, 2011 at 12:06 pm // Reply

    Thank you for the movie, sure it could have been better, but I hope it continues to kindle a movement.

    It reflects what I have done in private.

    Arjuna and Gay and the other cast member a showing themselves to be real men. I am defining real men as empowered adults that act bravely even under adverse circumstances. Perhaps you did not know how brave you were going to have to be when you started this project. However now that the hate is coming back please keep going and responding with wisdom. You are shining the light.


  13. Starrrsinhereyes April 13, 2011 at 12:06 pm // Reply

    How interesting and telling that the responses you have had so far are from women.

    Your video was sent to me on Facebook, and a friend of mine (female, as am I) and I have decided to each repost it twice a week.

    I think it is marvelous and beautiful and I applaud you. We both cried. She is a gay woman, I am a straight woman, and it gave us hope that some where, someone was paying attention.

    A collective apology on behalf of others is not out of line. What ever our human purpose may be, surely our higher selves ( ALL our higher selves )… have engineered this attempt to move towards sacred union of the genders.

    A spoken declaration is a ripple of intent in the universe. You did the right thing, Thank you.


  14. Cristina April 13, 2011 at 12:07 pm // Reply

    As a woman I have bumped one too many times into the unconscious masculine that attacks with violence of all kinds, assumes a strange sort of tyrannical (and boyish I might add) sort of ownership over the world and all its creatures (the “lord of the land” mentality) and cannot be held accountable to anybody or anything for he does not recognize any authority. Who (or what), then, can protect the innocent?

    I’ve often wondered why the “good men” were doing nothing. Not that women are helpless, mind you, but we surely need a bit of help. Who is to educate the rough power of the unconscious masculine? It is such a tender subject. I am very very glad to see that the “good men” really are doing something about it.

    As for the violence of the responses that you received, I can’t really say that I am that surprised. I’ve experienced them all of my life but they’re usually brushed under the carpet – sometimes by women and most always by other men.

    In any case, I love what you two are doing, I very much like your work – and your lives, including your wonderful marriages.


  15. Lori April 13, 2011 at 12:10 pm // Reply


    Thank you for your courage and heart. I am with you all the way.

    I wanted to ask if you were aware of this phenomenal group called ‘Women on the Edge of Evolution’. They need to know what you are doing. I would encourage you to reach out to them.

    WIshing you strength and light on this journey 🙂


  16. Jeanne Hubay April 13, 2011 at 12:13 pm // Reply

    Wow – the indications of the “Mass Mind” are evident, as well as the “unconscious” among us. I am glad to be on the side of the conscious! The video has given me an opportunity to re-examine how I’m doing in appreciation of my self image as a woman.


  17. M. Sweeney April 13, 2011 at 12:15 pm // Reply

    I attended the first online video conference, thank you for having it. I am a video professional who has also been in the awareness of the Divine Feminine for mostly of my adult life, but until now, have felt nearly alone in that endeavor.

    I can tell you with certainty and experience that Youtube is not the place to judge your message or video. I have had extreme reactions to some of the most minor video messages that I am about ready to drop it as a valid distribution medium altogether. Honestly, there are some very disturbed people hiding behind computer screens. To some, it is the only outlet for their hatred and disconnected agendas.

    Having attempted a Goddess Men’s group back in the late 90’s early 2000’s we ran into men’s ego’s in the group, and also ran into the women that loved the “angry” man that would defend him.

    It’s a tough road you (we) have embarked on, and I salute you for it. It is real, it is worthy, and it is noble. I have been waiting for years, and wish I had thought of doing the video:) (I wasn’t kidding about the video services, you have free pro video help should you need it 😉

    I’ve always told friends that there are plenty of people who serve the “Divine Man.” I just choose to be in service to Her this lifetime, and will continue doing so until me end.

    In solidarity and peace, please continue what you are doing!


  18. Rebecca Palmer April 13, 2011 at 12:20 pm // Reply

    A well-intended apology is simply a first step at reconciliation – it cannot erase the hurt, but offers the receiver a choice… whether to accept peace or continue to play out a war.


  19. Pia April 13, 2011 at 12:25 pm // Reply

    Thank you for sharing Dear woman on youtube with us. It is amazing and wonderful to see and hear your true words to the feminine. It goes deep in my heart.


  20. weareallone April 13, 2011 at 12:26 pm // Reply

    What Gay and you did, was a long time due conscious men endeavour. taking a stand and pledging to own the perpretator part of maleness by apologyzing for all the abuse, is a prerequisite for true healing.

    The system holds together through blowing the masculine up way out of proportion and desacralyzing and enslaving the feminine…there is all the invisible labor of the housewife, the sexual, economical, psychological abuse of the MOTHER, be it the earth, or the women abused in the inmense scope of forms along these 5000 years of patriarchy.

    By taking a stand as “conscious men” you are finally opening up the conversation with your complacent gender and confronting the backward thinking that prevails. It is time, dont give up!!!, of course it is valid to stand publicly and speak as the percentage of “conscious men” who realizes the need for public and collective apology for the gender committed to healing and ready to do what it takes.

    This is only the begining of what it will take: Tons of empathy, much expansion of your/our humanity to patiently teach and mirror the resistances to evolve expressed in both my sisters, and brothers messages.

    You have all my acknowledgement and my support. These extreme reactions only remind me of what it was to be a feminist in the 70s, your turn to experience hatred, threat, ignorance and blame. Life is better for all after we stood for resacralysing the feminine.

    As you know, courage, coherence and sense of gender (social awareness) are inequivocal pieces of the evolutionary puzzle.

    Many blessings!!!


  21. ulrike magdalena April 13, 2011 at 12:26 pm // Reply

    aslong as men and women do not find peace and true and unconditional love within themselves and with one another there will be no peace on earth.
    all my deep gratitude to you who started this “project” of deep healing of masculine and feminine enregies.
    we have the possibility to let go the feeling of guilt and shame, we have the possibility to forgive wholeheartedly, we have the possibility to become one. the moment is NOW! With Love for ALL.


  22. helena April 13, 2011 at 12:29 pm // Reply

    you did great work both of you. You touched what was hidden and still alive and still unacknowledge by many men and women. Congratulations and thank you for your courage.


  23. Ále April 13, 2011 at 12:30 pm // Reply

    I so loved the video. Its a bit tragic for me to see and hear that men have had such a negative reaction to this. I think it takes balls to do what you did. I am so blessed to have a life that is filled with conscious people that recognize this – both men and women. The total play and interconnectedness of feminine and masculine. So much to say about that – not enough time. Really appreciate your work.
    Peace and Blessings to you and Chameli!


  24. Clarissa April 13, 2011 at 12:33 pm // Reply

    I was very touched by your movie and thought it was great. I think those who were insulted or enraged by the contents do not understand the power of words and intentions to heal. Perhaps some of these people are also part of the old paradigm of beliefs and systems that have made a mess of our environment and abused the Earth. Perhaps they are the ones who need to change.


  25. Matthew Anderson April 13, 2011 at 12:43 pm // Reply

    Your work expressing the long overdue positive acknowledgment of our mothers and sisters and good friends is long overdue. Kudos to you both for this effort. Tangentially, any person who would take umbrage with that effort prima facie reveals a disdain for women and an unwillingness to open pathways to his or her own enlightenment. Great work and keep it up! I will help!!


  26. Carol Schafer April 13, 2011 at 12:48 pm // Reply

    A friend forwarded the email to me. As I watched and listened, I wept with joy. I thought, “They have arrived at last…!” I saw only the energies of the divine masculine and feminine, trying to bring balance to a world in sorrow. Male and female bodies both carry the masculine energies of agression, anger, etc., as well as the feminine energies of love and compassion, nurturing… I applaud this brave step forward toward a new era of balanced energies on this planet.

    Thank You for the bravery of those (both male and female) who have joined the Conscious Men movement.



  27. Katia Boustani April 13, 2011 at 12:48 pm // Reply

    I really enjoyed your movie and it gave me hope for a future where the gap between the sexes is healed. The fact that this movie triggered so much rage from so many people goes to show how frustrated and angry people are in their own lives that they think it necessary to attack what is esentially a call for peace. One of my favorite quotes in A Course In Miracles is “Every attack is a call for help”.
    I am deeply grateful to all of you men who stand up and open your hearts to women and the female energy. I for one say “Thank you!”


  28. Wendy Harrington April 13, 2011 at 12:57 pm // Reply

    Fascinating the varying comments. You can’t please all the people all the time and those that get it … will I guess.
    The ever unfolding of consciousness experiencing itself.
    I thank you whole heartedly. I channelled (a new experience for me) some similar information in January. You gave me the courage to share it. I posted it here if you want to take a look
    Lots of love to all on our journey


  29. Jane April 13, 2011 at 12:59 pm // Reply

    Your video was very validating for me. I had tears streaming down my face. Yes, I am female and yes I have suffered many of the abuses you discussed and I am now stepping into my feminine leadership. It is still fairly sparsely populated but efforts like yours should raise some consciousness. Should one apologise for others? I live in Australia and witnessed the day our Prime Minister apologised for generations of mistreatment and neglect that the white population had committed on native Australians. It was a very healing day for this island nation.


  30. Rev. Xia April 13, 2011 at 1:01 pm // Reply

    A collective apology is a statement of consciousness. It speaks to a person’s awareness of the scope of humanity . . . the best and the worst of us.

    An apology . . . an expression of sorrow and regret is offered and we can’t be attached to how it is received.

    When I saw the video I knew that a firestorm would erupt, that many would take offense. It was a courageous statement of truth, but more than that, it was a mirror. We often don’t like the reflection we see in the mirror of consciousness.


  31. Howard Feight April 13, 2011 at 1:03 pm // Reply

    I appreciate your efforts to start a meaningful dialog on the great need for true equality. This is a bold and necessary step that you have taken. The reaction and over reaction indicates the critical need for change. I applaud your efforts and proudly stand with you in the awakening of all of us.


  32. Lespirit April 13, 2011 at 1:19 pm // Reply

    I will admit to being one of the women who mostly found the video patronizing. I am currently writing a dissertation in the field of depth psychology about the objectification of women through the application of the word “feminine” to them and to traits that they are assumed to have. I found the concepts in the video to assume certain characteristics about gender (i.e., women are always “nurturing” and because they are both nurturing and “abundant,” they can now show men how to heal the earth!) and the assumption that “the feminine” can be equated to women and that “the masculine” can be equated to men. I also found the video to be heterosexist, assuming that a masculine/feminine balance in intimate relations between men and women is possible, necessary and adequate for addressing the historical and continued oppression of and violence against women.

    While the collective apology idea is nice, there is so much action to be taken to change the ways men and women, and boys and girls understand personhood beyond gender. I would hope that despite the kind and loving intentions behind this video, serious commitment to action is taken; otherwise, women’s suffering is being sensationalized for the sake of a video that can only pay lip service to the ideas therein.

    I love the idea of such progressive men standing in support of women and men who are trying to make significant changes regarding gender oppression. But ultimately, if gender oppression does not continue to be fought against, apologies about the past are merely that — lip service. The feeling state that compelled the apology is surely genuine, and that is what gives me hope.


    • Mylène Beauregard April 13, 2011 at 2:00 pm // Reply

      Could it just (but still) be appreciated for what it is, a first step? Or if you prefer, an artistic (from a chosen point of view)and poetic hommage to the feminine in everyone?
      The hanger behind your words can be explained but it just misses the beautiful message… But Hanger comes before forgiveness, in every healing process… So maybe This emotion is the first step to your own healing journey.


      • Lespirit April 14, 2011 at 4:40 pm // Reply

        Mylène, I want to assure you that I do get the beautiful message that is intended in this video, and I believe in the sincerity of the feeling state that compelled the idea. My comments are not coming from anger (I assume that is what you meant?) (In fact, this is a common projection on women that if they voice their opinion in disagreement, especially with men, that they are “angry”). My comments are based on a concern about creating “essential” qualities that are “a given” about women and men. i.e, “women are nurturing” or “men are aggressive.” These are qualifications that keep both women and men pegged into socio-cultural positions, and to equate the terms “feminine” and “masculine” with their biological counterparts helps to maintain ideas about what women and men are or should be. I understand the idea of the “inner feminine” and “inner masculine” as well, and while I appreciate it, I maintain that those qualities continue to be projected on actual women and men to their detriment. It is merely a caution to consider what the results may be when we toss those terms around. Believe me, I appreciate the sentiment that would cause these men to make this video; obviously, they are highly evolved human beings who genuinely care about the well-being of women and the progression of humanity in a unified way. My guess is that they have been like that for a very long time, and those of us who are lucky enough to have evolved men and women in our lives can relate to the wish inherent to the video and the apology. I was saddened to hear of how much violent and aggressive backlash they received from some men (not sure if they also received some from women?)– I guess in that way, this video definitely touched a nerve and that in itself should be telling. Thanks for the well wishes, and my best to you as well!


    • Paul April 13, 2011 at 2:19 pm // Reply

      Dear Lespirit, i see the point you are making and from certain perspective it is adequate.

      In my opinion this video is great step forward regarding this great imbalance that is oppressing our societies for many, many many years.

      Its actually not about who’s right or who’s wrong, its about recognition of the problems we are facing and the giant step to make things better, saying “we are sorry – lets do this time it right”.

      Its just the beginning of raising the consciousness not only of the men but of the women as well. Lets face it: opposition of the genders is just another way to feed our egos and finding someone to blame for our misfortune and maybe not living the life that we would really want.

      Anyway all the best with your dissertation and Lots of Love


      • Lespirit April 14, 2011 at 4:47 pm // Reply

        Thanks, Paul! I agree that a lot of blaming of “the other” is a way to absolve ourselves of our own responsibility in our own misdoings. I hope you are right that this is a step forward. “Conscious” men have usually tried to help women gain their rights, and fight against violence and oppression, so in a way, a video like this is kind of preaching to the choir. However, maybe the fact that some men (and women?) reacted so aggressively to it is a sign that deep down, something in their own unconscious is misaligned. Maybe it will help them wake up. I hope you are right! I know a lot of people have been moved by it, so perhaps it is a wake up call and an acknowledgment that some really needed. Thanks for your wishes, and my best regards to you as well.


    • Lori April 13, 2011 at 2:23 pm // Reply

      Hi Lespirit,

      I enjoyed reading your post. You provide a strong balance on the side of rational and intellectual consideration, and I always appreciate when this kind of wisdom enters into the conversation. In the spirit of dialog and sharing, I felt moved to share the thoughts and feelings I have in response to your post.

      When I consider the ‘personhood’ idea (which is gender neutral), I feel a bit handicapped as a woman as to the natural capacities and differences our gender naturally brings to the world. The very nature of our gender being the one that grows, births and feeds babies is a profound difference that in my opinion does align our gender more towards nurturance and compassion. When I gave birth to my boy, I felt a huge spiritual opening that both grounded and elevated me to a new dimension of experience as a human being. This is something that my husband just can not experience, no matter how much he tries to empathize.

      Not every women can or chooses to be a mother, but the seed of possibility is there. The very potential for shaping and protecting life is a tremendous life force that can not, in my opinion, be ignored and denied. There is always variance and diversity in every human being, but in general the differences between the genders is profound and the very act of trying to diminish them and blend them in the manner you suggest seems interesting, but ultimately a dead end without appreciation for the distinct differences and how the two (feminine and masculine) make a whole.

      I also want to support the idea of starting with a collective apology that resides in the heart. This is where the seed of change has its greatest power. Action will be born out of passionate desire for change. Let’s connect this way first, and from there let the change organically manifest.

      My two cents, thank you for your thoughtfulness.

      I would be interested i


      • Lespirit April 14, 2011 at 5:05 pm // Reply

        Thank you for your insight, Lori! I do agree that there is biological basis to certain of our behaviors — in fact, the medical aspects of sex reassignment surgeries point very clearly to the power of hormones in the governance of both our emotional and biological behaviors. I am not suggesting that those behaviors be eliminated in some way (or that they could ever be), but to essentialize women and men as being “this way” or “that way” creates a stigma that becomes encoded in socio-cultural expectations, mores, taboos and laws and can be limiting to the freedom and movement of both women and men. I would say that “personhood” is not gender neutral per se as much as it is gender irrelevant. Not that gender in all its variant manifestations is irrelevant, but to consider the possibility of gender not being the reason for the myriad rules and regulations that apply to people because of their biological sex. So, while it is true that many women may be in a weakened state when they are pregnant and/or nursing, laws that reflect the inferiority of that weakened state perpetuate the idea that women are weak, and hence, more laws must be made for their “protection,” laws that ultimately restrict their participation in patriarchal structures. Personhood acknowledges rights like security, freedom and movement for individuals regardless of the various physical states they may be in. Can you imagine if we made laws for those who are differently abled that insisted they not be allowed in public without a guardian or they not be allowed freedom of movement throughout society because of a perceived “weakened” state? Personhood addresses the quality of being a person without denying gender, but allowing human rights to all. A good book on the subject is McKinnon’s “Are Women Human?” in which she shows how human rights are rarely granted to women or even addressed until men start experiencing a violation of their rights. Anyway, I am clearly getting off the subject, but I just wanted to share some ideas about considering and respecting both personhood and gender equally. Thank you so much for your thoughts!


  33. Rachelle April 13, 2011 at 1:20 pm // Reply

    Your video ‘Dear Women’ touched me deeply. Tears filled my eyes as a rush of energy flooded in and through my body. Hearing this manifesto has brought hope to me that I may find a conscious man to be in relationship with. I so want balance within myself and within relationship between the masculine and feminine. Thank You! Thank You! for having the courage to create this manifesto and video as the men who are filled with fear need to hear this. Blessings and heartfelt gratitude to you and all the men on the path to conscious awakening.


  34. Jennie April 13, 2011 at 1:23 pm // Reply

    Wonderful post Arjuna. I think that if you touched just one person, as you did me, with the video, it is absolutely worth weathering any criticism. And perhaps even those that are criticizing will come to re-examine their thoughts and question their anger. Perhaps not, but we can at least hope so.
    Thank you for the video and all you do.


  35. Karolina April 13, 2011 at 1:39 pm // Reply

    Dear woman video touched me very deeply, it brought me to tears, feeling the hurt, taking in the beauti of what was said and also feeling hope for change.

    It is sad to hear the storm of negative responses, which makes the message you send out even more important.

    Thank you for your work and keep going!


  36. Marianne O April 13, 2011 at 1:40 pm // Reply

    Thank you – I so appreciate you and your team for producing and publishing the collective apology film. You’ve healed some of the hurt in my heart. The film has touched me in a way that has made room within so that I can better demonstrate my love and appreciation to men. Please keep sharing your lessons.


  37. Mylène Beauregard April 13, 2011 at 2:08 pm // Reply

    J’ai reçu cet hommage comme un ambassadeur qu’on envoie pour faire la paix. Je l’ai accueilli comme un ami qui me tend un drapeau blanc. Le dialogue peut commencer… voilà ce qu’on me dit…. et c’est fantastique…
    Tous les hommes ne sont pas des bourreaux!

    Et même si nous ne sommes pas toujours dignes de ce message – car il ‘adresse à ce que nous avons de plus grand, de plus beau en nous – il est le témoignage que nous pouvons être cela, et qu’on nous le reconnaît lorsque nous le sommes, et que ensemble, nous pouvons être de formidables créateurs de beauté en ce monde.


  38. peter April 13, 2011 at 2:11 pm // Reply

    I think the apology worked beautifully. It resonated with some & moved them with love & stimulated others to personally react & move into fear,” judgement & defending themselves& attacking a perceived enemy”. Some men have been violent to women. That is hardly a controversial statement. Any man who wants to feel into his heart & apologize is simply doing what he feels may benefit the healing between genders. The belief system that supports gender violence & lots of men vs men violence, too, will create conscious & unconscious resistance to any movement towards understanding, accountability, reconciliation & peaceful love. What you have begun is profound & necessary, I am sorry, pls forgive me, thank you, I love you. What did your intimate female partners think of you doing this?[Imagine if you were gay, OMG] I think that would be important to include. If you really want to stir it up talk about men who cry. Thanks for all you do to create conscious relationships.


  39. Mitsiko April 13, 2011 at 2:15 pm // Reply

    I celebrate with you and felt such warmth and connection. I see the healing such words can bring.

    With all my heart, I express my deepest gratitude.

    A woman


  40. Bern April 13, 2011 at 2:15 pm // Reply

    I feel the collective apology is like talking about the pink elephant in the room.

    I felt the healing of the video you placed on you tube. I very much appreciated the sencerity I saw within it.

    I didn’t realise there had been such a rejection of the apology, and I feel this is only a reflection of the rejection these dear souls have for themselves.

    Obviously they needed to hear and see the video, and some deep and meaningful level has been revealed to be seen and felt.

    Maybe it comes out as an attack, but that is only from people who are still learning to feel and trust unconditional love.

    I am excited that such a stir has been generated and that it is reaching the very men who need this most.

    There is nothing personal to the attacks you are experiencing here. This is only our brothers allowing their inner diologue to surface, so that they too may shift.

    I love this. Thank you for sharing. xx Bern


    • Alma April 13, 2011 at 2:49 pm // Reply

      I have cried, also the tears of all my sisters. A day later I was at the concert of Roger Waters, The Wall in Arnhem, the Netherlands, and because of your movie, I could read his message through all the music and images: Please, women, Bring us Boys back home.


    • Udo April 13, 2011 at 4:42 pm // Reply

      Beautifully and wisely said, thank you



  41. Highest Path April 13, 2011 at 2:19 pm // Reply

    First off, I want to thank you both for having the courage to write the Manifesto and make a video bringing the apology to life. It is an incredibly bold action and one that is so powerful and healing for women, but which also touches an incredible wounding in men. Perhaps you did not anticipate such extreme reaction from men but looking at this from a feminine perspective I will say that I am not surprised, and here is why:

    First of all, you must take into account WHY men have treated the feminine disrespectfully for centuries, and although you do a good job in depicting the WHAT, you do not really explore this and I think it might have value to do so. Men have always felt threatened and intimidated by the strength, wisdom, and power of women and for this reason have done everything in their power to dominate them. This is the only reason why anyone, or any race seeks to have power over others, and its the same reason why men have done this to women for centuries.

    Given this explanation to WHY men have behaved in this manner is a first step to understanding why there would be such a backlash to your current work. This is the first time that men have come out and ADMITTED that they have done this and actually APOLOGIZED for having done this. An apology is an admission of guilt, and no one likes to admit they have done anything wrong.

    The backlash you are seeing is nothing but men who have also been wounded through their quest for domination and who still cling to that need in order to feel valued and in control. They need to somehow justify themselves and their actions, past and present. It is nothing more than a box built to protect and shield themselves from the truth.

    The road you have chosen and the steps you have take on behalf of men is just a stepping stone in the quest to rebalance the energy on this planet that is so very much needed at this time in our evolution as a species. I hope you will continue leading this movement in helping more and more men break down the walls of the boxes that have kept them so isolated and alone for so long. Thank you for your courage and vision to heal the planet.


  42. Adam Griffin April 13, 2011 at 2:35 pm // Reply

    Thankyou for posting this and your great video – Dear women.
    Whilst I appreciate and empathise with the sentiment expressed in the video, I also would like to express the positive aspects of Men and hope this is something you can post on too – if you haven’t already.
    I have read some of the comments below the video on youtube and I think your final comment in your aticle is quite telling for me – the story of the palestinian and israeli. It is important for me personally stadn up and to disassociate myself from the destruction, exploitation and cruelty of some of my forefathers and my gender and to reclaim the positive aspects of maleness and fatherhood.
    Blessed Be.


  43. Stephanie Miller April 13, 2011 at 2:36 pm // Reply

    When I first read this blog I couldn’t understand why men or anyone for that fact would be upset by it. Then I thought about it. I am a white woman, how would I feel about apologizing on behalf of white people on the planet for owning slaves or mistreating someone because their skin color was different than mine. I was surprised to find it brought up an immediate feeling of being defensive within me. My thought was “why do I have to apologize I personally didn’t do these things etc.” But maybe my ancestors did and the generations before me did and it IS a part of the collective consciousness and the collective includes me. And if you believe in past lives Im sure I owned people and have been owned before and if you believe in Oneness then yes a collective gesture of acknowledgment and apology is very powerful. When I heal my feelings of shame, guilt, remorse etc. of other people being murdered, raped, owned, beaten on the planet through out time, just as a matter of humanity, then this will send a ripple through the collective consciousness for healing and bringing people together in our likeness. Thank you for posting this blog, it has brought me to a new deep awareness of something that needs to be healed within me. Gratitude.


  44. Suzy April 13, 2011 at 2:37 pm // Reply

    I appreciate what you did – all of you on that video. It took courage and it must have touched raw nerves in many.
    Many have a problem with forgiveness, I am probably no exception, but I felt touched by your open sincerity. Strangely enough it didn’t feel as if it touched me personally, but rather on a deeper level of nature.
    I understand that for many this kind of connecting can be confronting and scary.
    Thank you.


  45. Mylène Beauregard April 13, 2011 at 2:43 pm // Reply

    Dear Arjuna,

    This, in a way, was predictable… every action that streches our mind out of our confort….
    This Dear Women message sends a powerfull message and is the begginning of a Manwomenkind revolution!

    It touches everyone, from where HE or SHe is at right now. I am not even sure my own Husband would agree with this message, for we had so many conversations in the past about men’s responsability in a lot of woman suffering in the world, but this is so violent and huge!! Violence made to women over the centuries is so unspeakable, it is hard for a man who’s life and values are sweet and kind to accept to share even an ounce of men’s madness. Why would he? Especially if he, himself, suffered from the madness of man in is own life… This, as a women, I can perfectly understand. We can’t force forgiveness… it is something that is given, it is not a matter of mind but of hearth. Whe are not talking about open-mindedness but of scathe ! We cannot accelerate the healing process, even a collective one. This, maybe, explains why there is such an hostile response to your so beautiful message. Forgiveness is a gift and it comes…or not.

    Lots of work to do isn’t it? But keep courage,
    Where there is such turbulence, we know we touches the hearth of the problem! Thats the exact way to start the healing!



  46. Bliss Prema April 13, 2011 at 2:46 pm // Reply

    I felt like I had been waiting 6000 years to hear your words. It sent healing vibrations down through every lineage of ancestry that I hold in my womb. Thank you. I love you.

    I’m sorry that you have received death threats. There is obviously so much healing that is needed to take place between divide of the masculine and feminine. The upcoming 2012 is what I deem “The Grand ReUnion” – we are becoming One, and this is sometimes painful.

    Thank you for being Leading Conscious Men – we wombyn truly, deeply feel Gratitude and Love for all Men, Everywhere.

    Bliss Prema


  47. janet April 13, 2011 at 3:01 pm // Reply

    I thank you for your courage, wisdom, sensitivity and Love and as a woman I accept your apology with the same Grace and Love with which it was given.

    Wonderful video!


  48. Curt Rosengren April 13, 2011 at 3:01 pm // Reply

    I read the manifesto on your Facebook page, and while i appreciate and agree with the spirit of it, I have to say I reacted negatively to the idea of apologizing on behalf of others as well.

    Perhaps it’s more a question of semantics than anything.

    Saying I’m sorry for something you had nothing to do with is meaningless at best. From the manifesto, though, it’s clear that what you really meant was, “I feel sorrow/regret about…” That’s completely valid. You don’t need to have had anything to do with past actions to express sorrow or regret about them. In that case it’s not “I’m sorry” as an apology, but as an expression of sorrow and regret. “I’m sorry (i.e., I feel sorrow) that others who share my particular set of chromosomes have been complete twits.”

    Apologies belong with the originators of the action. Feeling sorrow about something can be broader in scope.

    So in a way, you set yourself up for a negative reaction by using the words apology and apologize, even if you took the effort to explain what you really meant (which is not to say that the intensity of that negative reaction was merited).

    Perhaps a less inflammatory (and accurate) way of putting it would have been “expression of regret and new commitment.”

    Regardless, even if I don’t relate to all the of the wording you chose for the manifesto, I do appreciate its essence and intent.


  49. AJM April 13, 2011 at 3:10 pm // Reply

    Maybe if we were all to look at the ‘collective apology’ as an opportunity for the person apologizing to simply acknowledge (to women in this case) that those that came before them had done harm, they feel badly about it and wish to not repeat history in the same negative way. It’s about breaking the cycle and invoking positive change, not to make anyone feel badly for something they feel they had no hand in, or to speak on someone else’s behalf. Consider the intention first. Maybe it’s not perfect, but I do believe it was sincere and certainly a step in the right direction.


  50. Udo April 13, 2011 at 3:23 pm // Reply


    As a man I loved the video and shared it with my friends. Keep going, this is powerful healing. I’m soo happy to see all of this unfolding!

    I too deeply apologize for all the hurt I and other men have inflicted on women in the last thousands of years…actually not only on women but also ourselves, as we brutalized our feelings and intuition out of fear and desperation.

    Dear Women, let me ask for and thank you for your trust in allowing us to touch your hearts again. I vow to stay present with both our feelings and honor the path of the devine feminine, as much as I honor the path of the male conscious warrior.

    And thank you Arjuna for being a courageous guide on the way.

    Berlin, Germany


  51. Lisa Baas April 13, 2011 at 3:25 pm // Reply

    I loved the video. Thank you for posting it. It was much needed by my psyche and heart. Everyday i think about how to bring balance back into the world between men and women, the feminine and masculine energies, yin and yang. It did a lot to heal my own anger frustration and grief over the sense that until we do come back into balance the world continues to descend into destruction.


  52. LadyHawke April 13, 2011 at 3:34 pm // Reply

    Dear Men…

    well you certainly stirred the pot…and that in itself is the most healing gesture anyone could possibly make…we all co-create our own Reality…so no victims exist in Real Reality…however each unique individual has taken your gesture…it is totally personal as to their own level of inner work…

    our Earth and everyone on it or in it is in Crisis…the Japanese incident brought that all to our conscious knowing…and whether we know it or not…we are all personally touched through our own sense of internal crisis…tremendous changes are happening on this planet…and therefore within each and everyone of us…

    I took it as a reflection of my inner male and tears of joy…relief…and gratitude flowed through the entire video…I thank you all for the courage it took to become such a trigger for this world…my deepest heart appreciates all of the male energies who are changing the world within and around them…it is time…we are all transforming back into Beings of Love and Light…so a bit of resistance is to be expected…and not taken to heart…that too shall pass…with the Love of the Mother I honor and thank you all…


  53. Frances Amaroux April 13, 2011 at 3:50 pm // Reply

    Thanks so much guys !! A magnificent beginning to the deeper process of reconciliation between the sexes. And yes, some of the ‘genderist’ platitudes around women being the nurturers etc could be addressed in the future. But as a beginning… yahoo ! …congratulations !…. count me in to help in any way I can.

    PS I too am stunned at the response from both men and women to this subject. I had no idea so much unconscious stuff was buried just under the surface. But when you think about it, concepts about gender and the dominator system have been an almost completely unquestioned paradigm…. despite the amazing inroads of feminism.


  54. feminologist April 13, 2011 at 4:00 pm // Reply

    Hi Guys,

    I was so touched by the video and so GRATEFUL that there are men out there that felt so moved to do something as you have done. I asked this question : Has anyone else noticed the tragic lack of Femininity in our world? I am appalled by this glaring deficiency, and saddened by its contribution to the mess we see in our world today. I am hoping to play some part in stopping the rot with my latest project…Feminology Fun shops. So I developed and trademarked Feminologist that being ME and my program Feminology. Its for BOTH men and women to regain the balance we so traglically lack because I believe so many women choose to “compete” with men, and know that comparing yourself to anyone is insane let alone a completly DIFFERENT species. Its FUN and the results I have achieved with myself and clients is incrediable. Most reporting Balance, Peace and HAPPINESS in their lives…now who whants that? Please have a look at my site which is in the process of being updated however has more information and contact details.Lots of interactive Videos will be posted shortly.
    Again guys THANKS for honouring us as the Feminine Goddesses we are even if many are unaware of it, and that complements your amazingly divine Masculine.

    Namaste Louise Maree Feminilogist.


  55. Jennifer Anderson April 13, 2011 at 4:17 pm // Reply

    From a popular culture source that I found had profound spiritual references, Babylon 5. The dying Emperor of Centari invited the Ambassador of Narn to come see him and whispered and apology into G’Kar’s ear. G’Kar asked him why and he said because it is something that should be said.

    For those of you who are not familiar with the show, Narn had been ruled by Centari and the inhabitants had been made into slaves. The character G’Kar had a chip the size of Mt. Everest on his shoulder regarding the Centari because of this history. He heard that from the Emperor and realized that maybe there could be hope for peace and FREEDOM for his people.

    One apology is all it took to change his outlook on life. I think that those of us who are well developed spiritually understand this and that is why we were able to see the beauty in this video and the manifesto. Change doesn’t happen over night. Just keep up with putting it out there and eventually, more people will come to understand it. It made me cry when I saw it. I have been walking with a lighter step, like G’Kar, since watching that video.


  56. Julia April 13, 2011 at 4:30 pm // Reply

    I was touched and inspired by your message, and the intent to heal beyond the scope of our small, local identities. One of my teachers, Paul Richards, offers 5 messages that every human needs to hear to be healthy of mind. The message “I am sorry for the misfortunes you have experienced” is one of the most powerful, because it opens Hearts to a connection in the simple human recognition of the universality of suffering. I practice that message as an advocate of empathy, in a world that normalizes antagonism and aggression in war of all kind, including that “between the sexes.”


  57. Annika April 13, 2011 at 4:30 pm // Reply

    Dear men. I am so touched by your consious hearts and it was really sad to see all these hard reactions on youtube. It really shows that your action is needed in this world. You are rolemodels for other men and I truly beleive this energy that lays within the manifesto is like seeds that will benifit and reach many many women and men on this planet. Thank you. You did the right thing!!!


  58. Hank April 13, 2011 at 4:43 pm // Reply

    I’m glad to hear what’s happened since the film. I’ve had many women friends sending me links to it via email or on Facebook, and it’s felt somewhat disturbing to me. Two reasons:

    1. The Heartspace of Apology
    It’s missing fire. The men are too happy. Something doesn’t feel right. By fire I mean the emotional heart: disappointment, sadness, remorse, and anger at what our culture has experienced. So it doesn’t feel real.

    2. Who can Apologize? Who do we Forgive?
    This comes from my experience living as a Jew in Germany. When I lived there, I remember people, young people, my own age, apologizing for the holocaust. I always had a reaction of, “huh? You didn’t do any of that; you weren’t even born yet. You’re not responsible for this. And why are you apologizing to me?” I appreciated their regret for what happened in the past, but it just didn’t feel right. They seemed to see themselves as guilty. As I sorted through my own feelings, I realized that, since they were apologizing, they clearly felt some sort of pain themselves. Something was bottled up. But they hadn’t hurt me (maybe their ancestors had hurt my ancestors, thereby causing pain in my life, but it wasn’t them). Presumably they felt some kind of shame. But I knew that I couldn’t forgive them. I had nothing to forgive them for. They didn’t need to be forgiven for anything. What I realized was they needed to do the forgiving. They needed to forgive their grandparents, or that generation of the German culture. Forgive those people for the burden that has been placed on the shoulders of current day Germans, because they really do have a burden. But current Germans don’t need to apologize or be forgiven; they need to forgive.

    To go back to the film and gender, to the extent that I have not personally done the things discussed, I can’t apologize for them. I can definitely apologize for what I have done. I can’t apologize for someone else though. What can I do? Recognize the pain caused by these things that others have done, maybe things others have done in the long past even. And recognize the pain that these things cause in me! Recognize the impact this has had on gender relations, and therefore my own relationships with women. Recognize how this has impacted my relationship with myself. The anger, disappointment & bitterness about my own difficulty in accessing my heart. The pain because of the difficulty in sharing emotional connection with men. Believe me, I feel sadness, disappointment and even anger. And following that… Can I forgive? Can I forgive all these men, of the past and present? Including myself?

    So that’s my take on the film.


    • Gene Miller April 14, 2011 at 8:41 am // Reply

      Hank (14),
      I like the way you think. Your perceptions and insights based in your life experiences are refreshing and you feel like a man I could trust. Forgiveness and guilt are so tricky to keep clear. I liked your images and resonate with the pain that you identify and the route to forgiveness you suggest.


    • Lespirit April 14, 2011 at 5:19 pm // Reply

      The idea of regret, remorse, shock or sadness for what has happened in the past and the pain it has caused for those of us in the present is a much more complex, but much more realistic state of being in light of our common humanity. I appreciate your comments, Hank.


  59. Edie Weinstein April 13, 2011 at 4:47 pm // Reply

    I loved the video so much that I wrote about it in my Beliefnet Bliss Blog last week.

    Of course you can’t speak for all men, any more than I can speak for all women. You can, however, express sadness, regret and remorse for the actions taken by those of your gender. You can do all you are willing and able to heal the damage done. You have taken that step to inspire men and women to heal our collective wounds and work together for deeper understanding between us. THAT is a huge gift for which I bless you and all of the men who stepped up to state their piece/peace. Those who had objections or even outright disdain/disapproval for your video have their own issues and filters to explore if they so choose.

    Many blessings and much love,



  60. Simone April 13, 2011 at 5:05 pm // Reply

    I cried tears of relief, gratitude, deep sorrow and regret watching the video. My heart ached immensely – that familiar feeling of having to stretch and open my heart, even when it hurts and my body wants to curl up into a ball of protection.

    I didn’t expect to have such a strong reaction. I have done so much internal work on my own inner feminine and masculine. I have forgiven and embraced and blossomed. I have changed my life to reflect my inner workings. I had no awareness that I ‘needed’ an apology. Yet, there it was, still some raw part of me – that goes beyond me, that spoke to every single human I am connected to, present and past.

    I hurt for my mum, who suffered at the misogyny of my father. I hurt for my grandmother, abused by an alcoholic husband. For the ripple effects that it has had throughout my family, in different ways for each of us. And each of us has still had to do our individual work. Because ultimately the apology is to all humankind, recognising in way powerful way how all of humanity has been abused, by the denigration and degradation of woman by man.

    I took the apology as a step forward in recognising that whilst yes, we are all one and there is much collective awakening of what we are doing to each other, to the earth, there is still the individual, there are still differences between the masculine and feminine. And apologising to woman brings it closer and makes it more personal. The closer it comes home to all of us, the more we are prompted to take ownership of our own individual responsibility. For some the closeness will first bring up their immense defensiveness, this is natural and to be expected. There can only be compassion and understanding for their blinding pain.

    I recently moved into a new home which was very overgrown and damp and shady to the point that we were mosquito fodder. I immediately, in some frenzy, spent the first few weeks hacking and pruning, chopping back trees and shrubs, only sometimes briefly aware of my ruthlessness. Until we damaged a tree. Then I stopped.

    A week or two after, I was reading a book about communicating with nature and all of a sudden I was overcome with deep sobbing and painful tears as I saw how much I had arrogantly waltzed onto this piece of land and claimed ownership, immediately dominating, completely without thought. I saw how much my ego had me believing that I was an ‘environmentally aware’ person and how easily I judge big corporations and man’s destruction of the earth. Yet, here, in my own small patch I suddenly saw how that attitude lingered in me.

    Anyone else looking on could easily say I was just doing necessary pruning. But I suddenly became aware of a deeper unconsciousness which I had never been aware of, how subtly I still believed I had to dominate nature, how there had been nothing conscious about my actions. My grief in realisation was not just for me but for everyone and mostly for the earth. I am sorry – and I don’t think nature feels patronised by my apology 🙂

    Grief, sorrow, regret, apologies – the feelings come and go. After they wash through – all that matters is if we change our actions, attitudes and intent. If we live and breathe more consciously. That is the most important focus of our attention – to focus on anything else is just continued resistance from personal responsibility, for both man and woman. The video is representative of just another part of us waking up. Another realisation point, another impulse, another step forward – it’s not the beginning nor the end.


    • Mike June 1, 2011 at 12:30 pm // Reply

      Simone as a tree lover I forgive you

      as your penance please put black roof pitch on the cut otherwise all sorts of bugs will invade it and for two weeks admire the beauty of golden sunlight (sunset) on it leaves…


  61. Susan April 13, 2011 at 5:12 pm // Reply

    Thank you Arjuna, Gay and others for making the movie.

    I believe the conversation through this movie is a beginning. Clearly, it’s a new open door. Look at what has been revealed from it. It really stirred the pot, didn’t it?

    Lucia Rene who wrote “Unplugging the Patriarchy”
    makes a great point. She talks about it being necessary for women to stand in their power at this time in history; not the misuse of power which we have seen for thousands of years, but true heart-centered power.

    She goes on to point out that as women unplug from their gender conditioning and learn what it is to stand in their authentic power, it will create a reaction in some men, maybe most. She points out that men need something to react to. The reaction obviously reveals what needs to be healed or balanced, or there wouldn’t be a reaction, yes?

    So there is a great opportunity here for both genders to unplug from their various gender conditioning that has kept them trapped for thousands of years, and have kept the imbalance in place. Interestingly, Lucia points out that it’s really up to women now to stand in their power as the next step, so men can react, and then heal, and then reach their heart which has been off limits.

    I think it’s clear for a lot of people now that by truly bringing the imbalance of masculine and feminine conditioning to a balance, is the most powerful shift the planet and humanity can possibly have. Nothing is more powerful than this. This has been known troughout the ages. And there are those that know it today.

    The question is, will each of us as individuals have the courage to be honest and look at what gender conditioning is remaining in each of us individually? Can we take authentic action steps to do our own work around our individual gender conditioning? Can we awaken from the gender propaganda that has kept this in place?

    Thank you again for making the movie. It deeply touched my heart, and also stirred my own reactions of mistrust and some fear. What a gift to awaken to my own reaction so I can heal and balance within. Thank you.


    • Lespirit April 14, 2011 at 5:23 pm // Reply

      I so appreciated your intelligent commentary on what this video brought up in you and how to think about the actions that can be taken related to both gender and the power women and men can exercise in relation to that. Thank you!


  62. Simone April 13, 2011 at 5:13 pm // Reply

    I also loved the happy nature and tone of the men’s voices and faces. To me the sincerity of intent was in the film itself. The happy nature of the men signified to me that they were not taking on more responsibility than necessary – that they had recognition both of what has happened and also the space of love and understanding they now embody. The lightheardness of the men was the most heartwarming aspect – none of us want to be weighed down by the past. I thought it was the perfect balance between apology and fresh consciousness.


  63. Lion Goodman April 13, 2011 at 5:50 pm // Reply

    I wrote a similar apology more than five years ago, but never posted it. Now, I’m glad that I didn’t! I have made heart-felt apologies to women individually in person, and to groups of women in person, and when the apology comes from the heart, it has a HUGE impact. Most women say, “My life would be different if my father/husband/boyfriend/partner had said ANYTHING like that to me.” My apology is here, another offer of sincere healing:


  64. Traveling Alchemist April 13, 2011 at 6:11 pm // Reply

    Similar to Simone, I too cried, the emotions seeping unexpectedly from me. I felt some relief and release of very old grief about treatment I received by the male gender.

    I also sensed good intentions; however, as Hank expressed, the message did not feel ‘real’, as if it was something being read, not from the heart. Perhaps that is only a perception; I don’t know what was happening inside the men who participated. It is still a positive step toward healing – healing that includes dialogue.

    A comment on one of my friend’s facebook page about how the Civil War is still being ‘fought’ in our psyches prompted me to comment that there is much pain, and healing is so needed.


  65. Lauren Bateman April 13, 2011 at 6:22 pm // Reply

    Hi, I think it’s great you’re speaking out to heal up such a deep subject of importance. I just came from a women getting wise on wealth seminar. May I add also to encourage men to treat women like equal partners in committed relationship, engaging her for what she thinks and does she know, etc. about money management for the best for both of them. And for the financial planners, etc. to include the women just as much as the men with all interactions. Old inequality behaviors persist: more conscious conversations, thinking and behaviors to undo that old stuff.
    I’ve been a master’s level professional in the health and relationship arena for years. God bless your marriages. I hope to have such an extraordinary relationship some day.


  66. Maria April 13, 2011 at 6:40 pm // Reply

    Maybe your intentions were headed in the right direction; however, I don’t believe that apologies make much difference, unless you are running for office and want to gain points with the feminine voters. As you are already experiencing, your audience is divided and almost everyone is just speaking from their own personal feelings.

    It has been said that “talking doesn’t cook the rice”. We all need to work toward equality and justice for everyone regardless of gender, skin color, nationality, age, etc.

    If we feel that we are “victims” then we never are going to be happy, for we will have given away our power by making something or someone other than ourselves responsible for our situation. We can only accept apologies if we have colluded with the others in the belief that they did us wrong. And when we blame others we are mainly hurting ourselves.


    • ROb April 14, 2011 at 11:18 am // Reply

      I too believe in action, but action without committed intention is simply random acts. This apology is about an internal intention setting, to disarm the behaviours we have learned in the masculine world over a lifetime. Simply changing our minds and actions will not lead to a sustained movement of changed behaviours and the movement first needs to start within. Awareness from within is needed to overcome the denial that limits the expansion of random acts.


  67. Janine April 13, 2011 at 7:01 pm // Reply

    Speaking for myself – I was so moved by “Dear Women” – I felt for the first time a man “heard’ me and “got me” and you don’t know me at all!! I was also thrilled when I played it for my husband and he thought it was great – maybe he will “hear” and “get” me too – not as me, the individual, but as me, the Woman – and Woman has no boundries of time or place – you spoke to me the Woman from you the Man – both ageless and timeless. Thank you.


  68. Rubiyah Ratna April 13, 2011 at 7:11 pm // Reply

    Thank you, thank you, thank you. I wept surprisingly and fully while watching the video Dear Woman. Evidently the wound of living this life on a male dominated planet is deep. For me the apology by men in this video begins the clearing of the field. With the focused intention and expanding efforts of the men involved in this endeavor, much like the fifth monkey phenomenom, the planetary healing of man and woman and hence of all life is well under way. Be aware that I align my whole-hearted intention and compassionate prayer and action toward this planetary balancing.
    In love and gratitude, Rubiyah Ratna


  69. LeAnn April 13, 2011 at 7:12 pm // Reply

    Thank you so much, Arjuna and Gay, for making this video…what a stir it has created in the expat community here on Bali! You have both deeply touched my life through your books.

    Since each of us has a masculine and feminine essence inside, this feels to me like an internal “forgiveness” process…I forgive my own masculine essence for dominating the feminine part of me…and there is no culprit here, no blaming anything on the “outside.”

    Inside the illusion of time, it looks as if there are aggressors and victims. When that veil is lifted, we can see that this duality is an old story that is replaying in an infinite loop. Whether we’re talking about domestic violence, war, economic disparity, or racism, it’s all the same energy of separation. You are me and I am you, no matter what costumes we have put on in what seems like this story at this moment.

    Blessed be the moment when we come together ♡




    • Anita April 14, 2011 at 2:36 am // Reply

      That is so beautiful,
      ‘Since each of us has a masculine and feminine essence inside, this feels to me like an internal “forgiveness” process…I forgive my own masculine essence for dominating the feminine part of me…and there is no culprit here, no blaming anything on the “outside.’.

      The video and the “A Manifesto for Conscious Men” are both loving en beautiful.
      Even though I thought, everything is already forgiven (for me), I was deeply touched.
      I had bad experience with men in my life and even though I am very aware of my own choice to be or stay a victim or not it has been a journey to change everything, including my past. Watching the video did good! Thank you guys! Big, big hug.

      Your comment about the internal process made it even more mine. It rang a bell and makes me so happy.
      Thank you too! and a big, big hug. 🙂



  70. Jeanne April 13, 2011 at 7:17 pm // Reply

    I read the manifesto and felt it jangle me in places where some fear still remained, but also heard words that brought peace to my heart. Every woman and man will “hear” and “feel” to whatever degree their perspective allows them. Healing is most important at this time in our collective awakening. To those who heard threats (in their minds) in the manifesto’s content, I wish only love and more opportunities to look love in the eye–as with these two brave hearts’ manifesto and video–and face whatever is holding them back from being truly free.


  71. Cherie April 13, 2011 at 7:20 pm // Reply

    I was touched by your video. It brought tears to my eyes. Forgiveness is a powerful experience, both for the for-“giver” and the receiver of forgiveness. It is fueled by Love and that is what we all desire to feel. Reading about the remarks from those who did not resonate with the film, I was immediately reminded of a day I walked the lava beds where a massacre between Native Americans and the U.S. Infantry took place over 130 years ago. I did not kill an indian and I did not kill a white man. And yet, I felt the pain lingering on the wind as I walked that ground. In my silence, what came to me was the old Hawaiian Ho’oponopono prayer. Simply stated it is:

    I love you
    I’m sorry
    Please forgive me
    Thank you

    It’s the ancient Hawaiian prayer to “make things right”. It’s since been called many things. A prayer for forgiveness, reconciliation and taking responsibility. I found out about it by reading the book Zero Limits. It’s about Dr. Ihaleakala Hew Len, a Hawaiian therapist who “helped heal an entire ward of mentally ill criminals — without seeing any of them” by using this prayer. He never harmed those people and yet he asked for their forgiveness, without seeing any of them! When we hurt, we want to be offered an apology so we can be healed. Forgiveness heals! SOMEtimes, the apology doesn’t have to come from the person who wronged us, sometimes just knowing that someone “out there” understands our pain and offers an apology can create a powerful healing. Just like Dr. Ihaleakala did with the Ho’oponopono prayer. Arjuna and Gay,…..thank you for creating a way for MANY people to experience healing! Your intentions were from Love and that IS what heals! The rest…….well, that is just the way we all interpret the mirror you reflected to each of us through your video message.


  72. Stacy April 13, 2011 at 10:31 pm // Reply


    I am deeply sorry to hear of the negative reactions and comments you have received in regards to your video ‘Dear Woman’. All of these reactions are based in FEAR, and those of us who are centered in LOVE felt very differently about the video when we experienced it. Please know what an amazing gift your message is to many of us here, in this harsh, yet awakening world. I can’t thank you enough for sending us such a beautiful message.

    Watching ‘Dear Woman’ was so unbelievably and unexpectedly touching for me that I was completely in tears at the end of not only the first, but second and third viewings as well! There is something so powerful in the acknowledgments and apologies made, as we all know how the Feminine has been repressed and horribly mistreated over many generations, and as a female, hearing men (of the Divine Masculine energies) young and old address this on behalf of their gender was so unbelievably powerful, as well as healing. The message was released at a time when Mother Earth and all upon her are healing and re-balancing. The simple fact is, that we are all connected and inter-connected, whether we believe it and realize it or not. The collective acknowledgment and apology made by Conscious Men has the incredible and miraculous ability to heal our hearts (all of those which will allow it), and this will allow us to move forward and make miracles together! Thank you!!!


  73. Tina April 13, 2011 at 10:43 pm // Reply

    Your Dear Woman video has had such an impact on me, more so than anything else I have ever seen. The two of you are incredibly strong and courageous men and I am so grateful to you for making it. I felt something open up in me…a love and appreciation for men that I never had before. I got in touch with some of the resentment I was holding on to for being dominated by a man early on in my life, and I was able to forgive. In addition to that, it gave me hope for my future. For the first time, I could see and visualize, what I truly want in a male partner. That that type of man is really real. You have no idea how this video has changed my life. Thank you so very much.


  74. Sky Goldsmith April 13, 2011 at 10:50 pm // Reply

    Thank you for the video. As a black woman, I noticed two black males, no indigenous men nor asians. However just having the men that are in the video apologising make a big difference.
    I just went through a very traumatic experience. I will share with you. I spent 8 months in Brasil going through a healing experience with among others, John of God. My husband of 12 years, also went for 2 weeks and on account of his experiences, he wanted me home earlier. I had a ticket for 13th of Novemeber and, he kept telling me: “I miss you come home. You are the woman I love. I miss you!” I returned on the 17th of september 2010.
    On October 22nd, while in a coference (work related), my husband commited adultery with another woman. He came home and he was another person, talking about wanting to have kids ( I cannot have children) and many other things, like “the woman with whom I have children, have to accept you.”

    On December he got very ill, a terrible cold and eczema. He ended up in the emergency room and then I treated him for the eczema and cold using accupuncture, moxa and cupping, plus herbs, etc. He got better enough to be able to fly to San Frnacisco for the AGU. There he spent a week with the same woman in the hotel. He returned on the 22nd and told me he missed me dearly. On the 23rd we had a family Christmas dinner and on the 25th we had dinner with my son’s family. Upon returning home, on Christmas day he asked for a divorce.
    I was in shock. I supported this man for 12 years. I put him through his MSc and his PHD. He got a good job at the university. We had many plans.
    We all asked him if he had another woman and he totally denied it. On the 8th of January 2011, he left the house. Nothing talked about, no plans. I asked him how we were going to proceed and there was no response.
    I went into rage and despair. I was traumatized to an extend I never experienced before. I became a crying wreck. He didn’t want to talk with me, he went to a christian counsellor for psychological help. The counsellor, uses the name of psychologist with a number in order to get the discount from the insurance company.
    I went to a retreat center, because I was in a terrible state. No matter how much I prayed, the pain was terrible. I returned to Vancouver and went to two workshops on forgiveness (ho ho ponopono and Bliss and forgiveness). I understood that I needed to forgive my husband for the pain he was causing the family and myself. Then I discovered that he had a mistress. Between the 22nd of December 2010 and February 2011, he spoke 2533 minutes with the woman. I found out because the telephone bill. I called him and asked: Who is A.G.? He responded: Love, I will come to expalin.”
    he came and told me it was my fault that he found another woman. He made me responsible for all his decisons. I know that I have to bear the responsibility for half of the matter, but he never spoke about any issues. Until the 25th of December 2010, I never had any complaints. My husband was a generous, loving, caring respectful man. From that date he became a stranger. I was speechless with his one hour rant and accusations. He told me that he used pornography and that I am against it. It is true I am against pornography. I asked him if he told his counsellor about the lover. He said: No. She does not know it.
    So it has been a hard road. I worked on more forgiveness and I wrote him a birthday card where I apologized for anything I have said or done to contribute in co-creating this situation. I pray for him evry day. I have lots of love for him in my heart. I placed his and her name in every prayer list there are, from Johrei foundation, to Unity and Yogananda Fellowship. I have peace in my heart.
    This video has encouraged me to feel connected to a changing times. I want to share my story to let you know that man and woman need to come to terms with the hurt we create.
    To have an affair, I can understand. To lie and to denigrate me was not necessary. When family found out about the affair, they were shocked. However he has had no action of contriction.
    Betrayal, abandonement, rejection is very hurtful. There was no closure, no goodbye nothing, just a pile of very hurtful actions. I am left with the house to take apart, the details of the separation and with the grace and mercy from God, I am getting along.

    What has helped me tremendously are the prayers and the site:

    Because I can speak portuguese, I have acccess to much more lectures.
    Anyways, it has been a blessing in a way because I am finding my strength and knowing about myself in a different way.

    Thank you for apologising.


    • Mike June 1, 2011 at 12:10 pm // Reply

      Time will heal your feelings I went thru the same horrible thing… in time it gets better Take Care


  75. lidia April 13, 2011 at 10:58 pm // Reply

    As expected, negative comments galore…but the ones like me heard the apology and i cry,-touched in my Heart,as 59Yrs old, i had my fare share of mistreatment by man…Out of this mistreatment,i was searching for an answers,knowing i am innocent,and found My Higher Self existence and now, gently explore my inner universe and learn to listen to My inner voice. I know WE are ALL awakening slowly,it is time on the map of Planetary evolution, and in my next life, i will choose for my life partner one man who will reflect all these characteristics of the man from Your posted video. Thank You brave man to such an amazing film.I keep watching and watching and while watching, i keep forgiving You all a little every time i watch.I also posted on my Face Book the link of THAT video. I say: God Bless Your Work and all of YOU. You sure know what You doing, keep the blessed work rolling, it has been long overdue…
    Love to You all from one women that heard You


  76. SirRev April 14, 2011 at 12:18 am // Reply

    Several years ago I shared with my wife, since transitioned to spirit, that the great Armageddon foretold in the scriptures would play out in our lifetime; not between good and evil or between nations, but between the sexes. Little did I know at the time that it would manifest as an internal awakening and re-balancing of the divine masculine and feminine that reside in all of us. We applaud your work. There is much to be done to awaken humanity to the truth of our Oneness. And less we forget, “to err is human, to forgive is divine”. There can never be too much forgiveness or asking of forgiveness.


  77. Art April 14, 2011 at 1:23 am // Reply

    Not to get laid, more to make money and sucker in gullible people. You cater to stroking the lowest of ego, the female. Every secure, cool women that saw the video had the appropriate response to it, being a sudden urge to throw up a little and calling you a bunch of creepy cultists. Those unhappy people left will surely find the reason for them being unhappy from you, and a way to solve it (for a price)


    • Angel April 14, 2011 at 11:37 am // Reply

      Most of us live in year 2011…
      What year do YOU live in?
      1950 or possibly even earlier?
      Refusing to evolve is terribly destructive for yourself and people around you.
      I feel a lot of anger coming from you.
      You need to figure out what is the real source of your deep anger
      and profound unhappiness.


  78. Rene April 14, 2011 at 3:48 am // Reply

    I liked that the men made apologies to women but also to the feminine in themselves. I can find it where I treated my own feminine part (the side that wants to play, love, surrender, recieve, relax, let go, trust, enjoy etc) badly. That´s not helpful for my masculine side, too ( having power, being creative, coming into action etc).
    There is a picture, saying that even the hardest man can only get a real hard, male erection when he relaxes, allows life to happen through him and surrenders to the moment. He cannot force it with his willpower.
    So I see it as an apologie to the feminine outside and inside of me and as an invitation to find a balance. I want to honor both, the masculine and the feminine. They are equal and both wonderful. No need for a war anymore.
    When I feel really sorry for what I did, there is no guilt. It´s not nescessary. Just seeing and understanding what I did, acknowledging it, speaking out my apologies and being willing to learn and to find better ways. That´s all.

    And I do that for myself, for my own sake. No woman, nobody has to accept my apologies. You´re free to refuse it.

    For me, the movie touched something in my heart, opened it, I was moved and I like that. When my heart opens, I feel stronger, more powerful and more alive.
    So thank you for creating and sharing the video.


  79. heartfulSoul April 14, 2011 at 4:55 am // Reply

    This is to update
    my email address.


  80. dina April 14, 2011 at 6:39 am // Reply

    i watched your video three times after another and than something shifted deep i me. i felt healing took place.
    it was so thrilling.

    thank you a thousand times for this
    it is heartfelt.



  81. scotthanley April 14, 2011 at 9:44 am // Reply

    Thank you for sharing so openly. I found your address on youtube to be sincere and reflect so many thoughts that I have found myself having. Don’t listen to detractors; they are only a small portion of the people viewing this video, though in any case the most vocal.

    Femininity, masculinity, the yin and yang of our lives- why shouldn’t we share all aspects as enlightened individuals, regardless of our gender?


  82. Alina April 14, 2011 at 9:45 am // Reply

    To the makers of this video, and all men who hold the same pure intention:

    I encourage you to simply focus on the women who’s hearts you’ve touched. Who are capable of fully receiving, accepting, and forgiving through the apology offered. Had only one woman fully and completely received this apology, it would have been more than worth the effort put forth to offer it! And yet, there will be thousands, perhaps millions, of woman consciously affected, consciously forgiving. This is such a beautiful thing!

    Others are simply not capable of seeing the intention behind this video; the power of transformation, deep healing and birth of a new way of being on earth it is helping to catalyze. And that’s OK! Each person is where they are, having the experience their soul desires. For some, seeds are being planted and the affects will manifest when the time is right.

    My guess? ‘Your’ soul is desiring you fully CELEBRATE the re-Union between the men and women who are capable of seeing and feeling the Truth in this heartfelt video, and releasing past divisions of separation.

    So all I b saying, is perhaps there’s no reason, no reason whatsoever, to focus on the comments of individuals who cannot YET see the Truth in this video. And in turn, totally and completely celebrate and appreciate the infinite forgiveness unfolding in the hearts of each woman who is blessed enough to release the past BECAUSE of your efforts.

    Love It! Love You! Love the Haters!




  83. Laura April 14, 2011 at 10:50 am // Reply

    I commend you both, and all the men involved, for your bravery and your expressions of Love! It is amazing to me that so many men AND women have had a negative response. But then again, considering the state of our society, maybe not so amazing.
    I have 3 younger brothers and have been very involved with men my whole life. One of the biggest surprises I ever had was realizing that they really didn’t have all the answers and were scared to pieces much of the time. Which is probably why they react to things so violently. Being female, I am doing my best to balance the male and female within myself.
    My greatest fantasy, soon to be a reality ;), is to live and create with conscious men AND women. What an adventure that is becoming!
    Please keep doing what you’re doing and I will help in every way I can. Making this shift is one of the most important things we will ever do for ourselves.
    Love to Us All!


  84. Paul James April 14, 2011 at 12:34 pm // Reply

    Thanks for posting your Dear Woman video and persevering through the deluge of responses. On the plus side I am happy to have met the two of you on-line, Gay and Arjuna, through this. As a 54 year old male I have only just come to experience how through my up-bringing, just by being a boy, my heart and soul were destroyed as inner capacities through which I might know and enjoy life. I have lived most of my life unconsciously relying on that which I could perceive only through my mind and my body. Yes I am happy to have become a full human being while I still have a few years to live! But I still live with the bane of our humanity, that which religions and spiritual traditions have struggled with, the presence of negativity in my soul. I see the trampling of women by men as the outward projection of the painful inner condition of men and boys from this unconscious place of negative intent. Who should apologize to me for the abuse to my soul and heart? Apologies and empathetic listening are a great start as we work to heal each other and transform the possibilities for humankind by greater consciousness of our negative intent.


  85. Sally Bartolameolli April 14, 2011 at 1:22 pm // Reply

    How interesting. I received the initial video with the apology on YouTube from 4 different women in varying communities in a 48 hour period. I was appreciative of your gesture and believed in the sincerity of it.

    I noticed two friends of mind with different reactions and responded to both of them by asking permission to give my perspective and they allowed me to do so.

    The first woman responded as you have stated others did; wondering about the sincerity of it all. I told her that I did not know you personally, but was familiar with your work and Dr. Hendricks. I believe that you took a risk and that amends must begin somewhere. Words are a good place to begin but ACTIONS are what really count. This is what I always tell women who seek my counsel around relationships with men; WATCH WHAT THEY DO OVER TIME, not what THEY SAY they will do.

    Additionally, I am a certified Shadow Work® facilitator and we use voice dialogue techniques in our work. As a healer, I’ve used it for years and have known people who have done trainings with Gay and Katie. They judged Kathryn as a powerful and beautiful woman and so I assumed Gay was an emotionally mature and sincere man. (I think it takes maturity to embrace powerful feminine energy and be with a woman of power.)

    Personally, I appreciated the gesture and video on YouTube. Thank you.

    The other woman that sent me the video added that she was looking forward to a “like” statement from women apologizing to men. This communication was a bit more complicated. When I asked her if I might give some feedback, she was very open. I shared with her about “internalized oppression” and how when we are told something again and again from the outside, we take the belief inside of ourselves. I encouraged her to look at a part of her that might be “care-taking” the men and having difficulty “receiving” this amends. I also gave some information about the dynamics of oppression. One who does NOT have the power can not OPPRESS another. I encouraged her to look at what was in the way of her “RECEIVING” this amends from the men. In her own honest and maturity, she had some wonderful “truth responses” and realized how hard it was to trust and receive. It was great to connect with her in this way. I think the Sacred Feminine is all about learning to receive.

    In any case, I think the video has brought to the surface many wounds for many people and their outrage is evidence of that. Thank you for taking the risk. In taking the risk, you have created a space for healing to happen and hopefully those most enraged might look within for that wound and healing. Here are two quotes from my book, BLESSINGS FROM MARY Daily Sacred Feminine Meditations that Awaken One to their Divine Purpose Inspired by Mary Magdalene, that seem very appropriate:

    February 6th

    Embracing and honoring our wounds is the first step to welcoming healing and blessing.
    Wisdom of Mary Magdalene

    February 10th

    Walking into battle is the gateway through which one receives gifts of honor, bravery and leadership.
    Wisdom of Mary Magdalene

    I thank you again for your bravery and I wish you continued humility and love as you guide this energy that has begun to surface. I also CHALLENGE and INVITE you to seek WOMEN to assist you on the journey of it all and welcome our thinking and help in educating others about it all. This is putting words to ACTION and truly honoring Sacred Feminine energy.

    Blessings and love,



    • susan stafford April 14, 2011 at 8:08 pm // Reply

      I am responding to the incredible video, “Dear Woman”. I guess I shouldnt be surprised that there was a deluge of negative comments, but I hope those comments will pale next to what this has done to help heal women like myself.
      I have been through years of patriarchal, authoritarian hell as a child. What I suffered has caused incredible damage, terror, torment, and grief. I have been working my entire life to overcome these challenges and heal my heart and spirit. When I saw this video, I wept. I felt such immeasurable gratitude, as great a gratitude as can possibly be within this one body and mind. I felt such a spectrum of powerful emotions, from profound joy and love, to overwhelming grief.
      Dear Men, I have needed this all my life. This validation, this acknowledgement of terrible wrongs done, is to be celebrated and treasured. It is sacred to me. And I am just one survivor of such wrongs and so much worse, that have taken place without thought, all over the planet. The immensity of this video, of the strong, tender, respectful and loving men who made this, is beyond description. I truly thank you with all my heart… a heart broken by cruel, mindless and damaged men. And this heart, you, Dear Men, have helped dramatically on its path towards healing.


    • Frances Amaroux April 15, 2011 at 12:29 am // Reply

      Thanks Sally – you put words to what I was strongly feeling. “One who does NOT have the power can not OPPRESS another.” Every time I see women jumping ahead and wanting to immediately apologise back to men, it seems like a prisoner apologising to her jailer for screaming or causing a mess when she was being tortured. What the… !

      Yes let us let go our need to care take men. Let us allow them the discomfort of their feelings. Let us allow in their conscious support and presence.


  86. Tany April 15, 2011 at 2:38 am // Reply

    its becoming apparent that we started to talk.

    and this is the significance here; it is a try to reconcile. it is a cry out for the ability to move to shift to anything else and now!

    because basically we have lived in this hell for a long memory, but we never considered seriously enough our chances in turning it all onto the bright side. to love

    we have common motive to eventually open the doors wide in ourselves and to others.

    i don’t know who thinks or feels he she is woman or man, but we must consider that an exaggeration of rage is strangely similar to haarp !

    there are more things to talk about and this talking must be all-over.

    Namaste yo


  87. Rebecca April 15, 2011 at 4:57 am // Reply

    My initial response to the video was to be very touched by it – until a little way through when I started to feel offended by the pared down view of womanhood on display. We’re not all Goddess worshippers. We’re not all passive. We’re not all bitches. The more I thought about it, the more it felt like you had fully encapsulated the argument – and that offended me. What about us?

    I’ll explain. You apologise, then … without waiting for an acceptance of that, you define who we are, then you basically start throwing rocks at us, saying that we’re bad and owe you an apology (at which point I realised you just didn’t get what you were apologising for at all, so it was meaningless). Then, you forgive yourselves and those before you for thousands of years of abuse(so far, we’re nothing to do with the process), and essentially tell us to do the same. Wow.

    So… at the start, I was with you all the way. At the end, I … wasn’t. That said, I’m so happy that you did it. This debate has gone underground for so long, it’s been like a festering wound that many women haven’t even seen, because feminism has been knocked away in a sea of the celebration of the passive, enhanced, depiction of womanhood we’ve had for the last few years. You brought out the warrior women again. And you opened up the discussion of what it means to be masculine. You cracked open a discussion that political correctness had drowned. In many ways, it was a flawed attempt, but bravo! Keep at it!


    • Alexander April 15, 2011 at 7:43 pm // Reply

      I had much the same reaction was happy that some one was doing this but found it harder and harder to watch. I think you got your finger on some of what’s wrong here. Wondering if you would have creative input for what need to happen, should and should not be expressed in another offering.


    • Lespirit April 16, 2011 at 10:04 am // Reply

      Thank you for this commentary, Rebecca! I felt much the same about where real women might be in this process and that I was being spoken for, pigeon-holed and essentialized — an assault against my actual identity as a woman. Sensationalizing the realities of women’s experience to make themselves feel better… Thanks for speaking up!


  88. medicineWords April 15, 2011 at 12:47 pm // Reply

    I received “dear woman” as a gesture of the heart. As I watched the video, hearing these men speak and acknowledge
    what I have felt and known in my cellular memory about the exclusion, neglect, denial, execution, torture, oppression, mutilation, silencing, burning, raping, over-powering of the Feminine and women,
    the pain I felt in this body in my 36 years of life, but also the pain of our collective consciousness for millennia,
    the wounds that are inherent part of a female body and psyche,
    was tremendously healing.
    As a woman, I finally felt heard, seen, acknowledged and appreciated for who I am in my essence, rather than being judged or punished or pushed aside.
    I wept tears of relief, grief and joy simultaneously as I felt a softening, an opening and a flow of love filling my heart center.
    I feel immense gratitude for the work we each do to heal the collective wounds. We just need to keep calling the new vision for humanity, a vision of unity and love, abundance and well-being, creativity and joy, inspired by Sacred Feminine and Conscious Masculine in their co-creative dance-play.


    • itisnowtime April 17, 2011 at 10:54 am // Reply

      I am a 45 year old woman… I believe that the hurt and disrespect, the hatred and the desecration of the Divine Feminine have affected us for too long and we can still see and feel the effects as we speak. Yes, all of this has been inscribed in our unconscious collective and at a cellular level… It is now time for the desecration to stop and for us to come to peace with what has been done… I believe that the video “Dear Woman” is helping us to heal. It is time for each of us to integrate our two sacred basic energies… The Feminine and The Masculine. When we integrate the two energies with love, we become whole and our life changes… Thus, our world changes. When we change ourselves, our world changes… It is now time.


  89. Cat April 15, 2011 at 3:18 pm // Reply

    I think people forget that there is more than one meaning to the phrase “I’m sorry.”

    Yes, it can be a true apology, of culpability, meaning “I did something wrong, please forgive me.” And it’s certainly true that men have done to women (and women have done to men) things that need to be acknowledged and offered up for forgiveness, both individually and collectively.

    But there is also the sense of the phrase that we use when the one we are speaking to has undergone something unpleasant — the death of a family member or loved one, for instance. We say “I’m sorry” to them not because it’s our fault the person has died, but in order to express our wish that they (who we care for, if only on a we’re-all-humans-together level) had not had to experience such a tragedy. In this case, “I’m sorry” doesn’t mean “It was my fault,” but “I sympathize, and wish you only good.” That, too, needs to be expressed to people of all genders, races, and creeds.

    If the world is a mirror of our inner environment, collective “apologies” like the Dear Woman video call on us to examine those ways in which each one of us, male AND female, is culpable for those acts and attitudes mentioned therein. It can be an uncomfortable prospect to find those culpabilities thrust into the light. (It can also be uncomfortable to find that part of us feels in need of just such an apology, feels a victim in this world that so values rigid strength.) And no less so, to open ourselves to the deep wish that things could be different, the vulnerability and responsibility that wish engenders.

    I, for one, found the video deeply moving and even healing. I wish to extend MY apology for those times when I, as a woman, have denigrated men and seen them as less than they truly are — along with the other kind of “I’m sorry,” which is to say, I wish it had not been this way for any of us.

    I am committed to being a part of the emerging men’s movement just as much as to the strengthening women’s movement, and to the formation of a new kind of relationship between the sexes, that we may ALL heal, and together create a world that is truly whole.

    Thank you to you Arjuna and Gay, and to David Deida, Gary Zukav, Neale Donald Walsch, Matthew Fox, and all the other courageous men (and the women in their lives) who are the way-showers for us all.


  90. Tany April 16, 2011 at 12:09 am // Reply
    My commentary on whether I believe women are the gentler sex. If women ruled the world, would there be less violence and less war?

    Samantha Power, Susan Rice and Hillary Clinton led the charge for war in Libya.


    • Laura April 16, 2011 at 6:25 am // Reply

      These women are acting from their male side, as they see fit in an inbalanced situation. We can all be pushed to violence, thinking it is the only solution.


    • Nancy April 18, 2011 at 7:31 am // Reply

      To me… the basic issue is that neither women or men need to Control the world… It’s not really about different sexes (men / women) — it’s about energy (masculine / feminine or yin / yang).

      Obviously the true divine feminine has been missing for so long… that not many (women or men) know exactly what they are shooting for in bringing it back into their lives. How about just seeing that ALL of us (men and women) bring back more love, more compassion, more intuition, more creativity, more feeling, more receptivity.
      Again, I repeat… this is not about women / men.. This is about having true yin / yang balance in EACH of us (men and women) in varying portions.

      Study your astrology and see how many planets are masculine and how many feminine and then ACT from that balance — and then maybe your leaders will take your lead? We must BE the change we wish to see… He didn’t say DO the change you wish to see (that would be more masculine energy). 🙂


    • Daniel McComas June 13, 2011 at 3:49 am // Reply

      Women actually did rule the world once. And guess what, sexism and inequality were exactly as they are now.This does not mean, that certainly, there are many ways that true equality, could be greatly helped.
      And, yes, there were just as much wars. Why do we have conflicts brothers? From the thought, that we are threatened. Fear. And, would you believe that women are less fearful, than men.
      Yes, and there’s the key brothers, to unlock all of these insane chains, that have burdened us to this world. To, let go of all of these fears, we’ve chosen to believe in.
      I can certainly help you brothers, if you want. I have been taught the path. And can just as easily teach it to you.
      peace and love, my holy brothers


  91. dirtydog1776 April 18, 2011 at 3:30 pm // Reply

    Your idea of collective guilt is morally wrong. It is very similar to the Christian concept of “Original Sin” which was created as a weapon to control people.
    Individuals need to apologize for wrongful actions they have committed, but not for that which they have not done.
    Collective guilt negates the importance of the individual and builds a society in which individual thoughts and liberties are not allowed.


    • Arjuna Ardagh April 19, 2011 at 12:53 pm // Reply

      Agreed, dirty dog. We feel no guilt. We can also see that we all hold many hurts from the past, individually as well as collectively. Apologies can heal. guilt does not.


      • Daniel April 20, 2011 at 8:35 am // Reply

        Yes, it would have to be someone, a little more mature, spiritually, to do the apologizing. My concern would be for those, we apologized to. Does saying your sorry, not encourage one to think, that they should pity theirseelf. And self pity is one of the ego’s favorite tools. But, as you said, an apology spoken honestly and with love and care, could certainly heal a lot of pain, in this world.


  92. Claudia Abbott-Barish May 31, 2011 at 8:57 pm // Reply

    I object to the notion that “people with different colored skins have more or less the same opportunities and rights in this country”. That is completely untrue. Institutional racism is a great plague on this country, with the explicit effect of truly excluding people of color from opportunities afforded to white folks. The fact that this statement referred to skin color in isolation, regardless of the compounded effects of gender and race, socio-economic status and race or gender, etc. does not very well indicate that you are presenting a well-rounded or particularly well-informed approach to social analysis.

    Part of why the video might have been so poorly received by ignorant men, is perhaps because it didn’t go far enough into how these grievous assaults on women have defined and characterized the dominant paradigms of our current capitalist system. Neither was your “cast” the most diverse cross-section, which potentially made it easier for people to dismiss you as a bunch of new-age affluent white folks. If you truly desire for your words to reach a large audience, it can’t be some “fun” video that you and your friends put together. It has to be a well-researched and intentional attempt to really speak to people. A LOT of people. Realistically the only folks you were going to reach were people similar to you: educated white men.

    While I appreciated the gesture of the video, I did have a problem with the idea (which was specifically said) that we should “forget the past” and move forward. I’m afraid that if a man wishes to truly right the wrongs that exist as a result of a long history of patriarchal domination, he must become an advocate for that change for the rest of his life. Forgetting does not create a constructive path for rebuilding.


    • Frances Amaroux May 31, 2011 at 10:07 pm // Reply

      Hey Claudia – love what you said here. Can I quote you on my FB page?? We are having some interesting discussions there 😉


      • Claudia Abbott-Barish June 5, 2011 at 9:17 pm // Reply

        Can you let me know what the facebook page is so I can read what’s there and decide whether or not my reply is in context?


    • Daniel McComas June 13, 2011 at 3:33 am // Reply

      Hi Claudia,
      I just have to say, that forgetting, what we believed happened, is the only way to find real peace. If you do not forget, you are merely clinging to something, as a grievance. And any grievance, will only make you unhappy!


      • Crystalline Ruby Muse July 12, 2011 at 10:16 am // Reply

        Not at all true. One can remember & forgive. In fact, it could be critical. An example. My grandfather incested my mother throughout her childhood. She has completely forgiven him. She no longer suffers from this aspect of her past. However, she remembers that he can be tempted to molest little girls. Through this remembering & understanding, she has been able to choose not to leave little girls alone with him in his care, including myself. Very important. I praise my mother’s remembering & her forgiveness!

        As a conscious person, it is critical to be aware of who is safe to trust & who is not. That is a way to care for oneself & for those in your charge. Awareness of reality, past & present, does not have to mean suffering old wounds. One can know that another person is not safe but still forgive that person & release the wounds of the past into freedom in the present.


  93. Tany June 1, 2011 at 4:22 pm // Reply

    i appreciate it that you changed to Mike, its shows maturity. the question that you ask is too wide to hold, folks may or may not resonate with this attempt still, there must be great changes in the world if we want to see justice or equality on this planet. The load of this issue of sexes is great because of much too much violence. so that the issue itself suffers of that load that we call also shadow. in other words, seems that figuring the complexity of this shadow can go beyond what we feel relates to this. possibly old interventions in our DNA by various unsolicited penetrating into our bodies and consciousness, the entire veil must be lifted. we need the grand spectrum to be able to change life on Earth. Thank you and Soft; Namaste


    • lidia June 2, 2011 at 5:41 am // Reply

      Hy Tany and all of the interested,
      I agree with You, and – Yes, change is here with the arrival of the www, check it out if You are serious about finding the answers to Why is all the way it is and how to fix it…
      love and blessings to all


      • Tany June 2, 2011 at 6:02 am // Reply

        * thank you Arjuna for this response and the link 😉


  94. Tany June 2, 2011 at 10:16 pm // Reply

    This is the sexual overview that i share:
    Humanity’s travails, as the great awakening event approaches, do seem to be intensifying if you are reliant on the mainstream media for your information. But the mainstream mostly reports what is politically expedient with regard to international affairs, and delights in taking sides and encouraging confrontation and disagreement. Reasoned discussion to address and seek solutions to problems is rarely found there. So do not be unduly discouraged or distressed by what they report.

    Humanity itself is changing as old aggressive attitudes and behaviors are starting to be replaced by ones which encourage and promote kindness, generosity, sensitivity, and cooperation. This is even occurring within the military as the inadvisability and unforeseen consequences of their activities are leading to a complete re-evaluation of their function in society. These changes in attitudes worldwide are essential precursors to your awakening, and they are occurring at a rate that has never before been seen, and which many would have thought to be impossible.


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