Great Questions about The Deeper Love

snowThank you so much to all the friends who joined us for the Deeper Love Retreat-at-Home virtual launch party last night.
Did you miss the call?  You can still listen to the replay.  Register here.

We had so many great questions, and we could only get to some of them on the call.  Today we had no power at our house and 17 inches of snow fell overnight.  So we headed down to the Wisdom Cafe in downtown Nevada City, ordered lattes and scrambled eggs, and answered many of your questions we had skipped.

Here are our answers so far.  We will keep going through them and posting over the weekend.

From Linda – Southampton
I’m seeking greater inner peace as I travel the often-rocky road of divorce; my husband and I are still living together (separate bedrooms) and my ability to turn it over on a daily basis is challenged and triggered frequently. Is there an inner “button” I can engage to retrieve peace & ease?! Thank you… xx
We wish you and your husband the very best in this time of transition.  The inner button you seek is who you are.  Not the thoughts and beliefs and emotional reactions you have identified with, but the one who is aware of all that.  Turn your attention to the one who is aware, and you discover that peace and ease is the sky in which challenges and triggering are passing clouds.  This is the foundation of our Deeper Love work.    From that place, you can meet your husband in deep listening and simple honesty as you go through this transition.  Be gentle with your body, and give yourself time with other women  ( this creates oxytocin, the feminine anti stress hormone).
intimacy2From Petra – Cologne, Germany
What do you recommend when the fear of being near (and the pattern around, i.e. to argue when I should be near or to be busy are so strong and continue to work by its own) is much bigger than the longing for being near?
Everyone has a natural tendency to take space sometimes, and to want to be close sometimes.  If you honor one, it is also easier to honor the other.
If you have fear of being near, and you can see it, find out if you can also discover your commitment to going deeper, and not being led by that fear.
Take just ten minutes a day to be totally present with each other.  Be tender with the part of you that is afraid, describe it, but also talk of the part of you that is awake and conscious and present.  Set aside an evening every week to be together.  Honor the personality that is afraid, as well as the awake essence that is just here.

From JD – Seattle
What are some ways that you recommend a couple recover from an instance of infidelity?
First, you both need to drop deep into yourselves, and find out what is your deepest commitment. Not to each other, but to life, to love.  Is that deepest commitment served better by monogamy or shopping around?  Second, as you recover, you will need to honor and express hurt feelings.  But use the structures we teach in the Deeper Love  to keep this brief and simple, don’t process all day!
And third, as you practice deep seeing and exercise the muscle of deep worship, you both come to see that your partner contains everything, and infidelity becomes highly unlikely.  Who would be distracted by a candle flame while basking in the sun?  the Deeper love is about looking deeper into the one you are with.

From Edward – Vancouver Washington USA
I watched the into to deeper love last night and I thought the two of you were so genuine and authentic. It gives me hope that it might work for me.
Edward, we know this will work for you because it has nothing to do with having the perfect personality or back ground. It has everything to do with the commitment to go deeper into yourself and into love, which are ultimately the same. We did not inherit the ideal collection of relationship habits, if this can work for us, it can work for everybody.

From  JD – Seattle
Are you proponents of marriage? How to harmonize when one partner wants marriage and one would rather not?
We are advocates of a love that is so deep that it takes you all the way to God. We whole heartedly endorse anything and everything that supports The Deeper Love. For us that is fierce monogamy. You will have to find out what is rigorously true for you. We have both got married several times in the last years. Each time it was to each other.  Marriage is our way to say, “I am in, one thousand percent.”

From  Ann
My then-partner and I took your Deeper Love seminar about 3 years ago. I can relate to its falling apart once you get home! Now I’m single, not sure I’m yet ready for a relationship, and I’m not sure I’m convinced this would be helpful for singles. And I’m willing to be convinced!
The proof of the pudding dear Ann, is it the eating. The Deeper Love retreat at home, has exercises every day for couples and for singles. Try it for yourself and if your not satisfied send it back for a refund.
We have noticed that often relationships fall apart not so much because it is the wrong person, but because there is not enough shared commitment to explore the deeper dimensions of love. The Deeper Love course will offer you the opportunity to discover and live your deepest commitment. The good news is tat this is an individual process, you don’t have to be ready to enter a relationship yet, and you don’t have to postpone this process until you find the perfect partner, you can marry love right now.

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7 Responses to “Great Questions about The Deeper Love”

  1. david martin February 18, 2011 at 4:24 pm // Reply

    this is very synchronous. like some sort of superhero seeker, no spiritual practice has ever been able to stick. although there is a sense that life itself has become the moment by moment practice, being aware of loss of consciousness, and correcting (mainly because staying unconscious is so painful) yet the notion that the obvious place to practice is in intimate relationship. “mine” is becoming more and more sweet, and yet there is a tendency to become distracted by the amazing movie of life, and thus relate in an easy yet shallow way. the work that arjuna and chameli have put together sounds like an amazing way to keep deep! i’ve just ordered it (unbeknown to my sweetheart) and will invite her to practice, however am glad to hear that there are options to practice alone. thanks so much arjuna and chameli. looking forward to it. david martin (australia)


  2. david martin February 18, 2011 at 4:26 pm // Reply

    to clarify the above…….i’m glad i’ve realised that i don’t need her agreement to worship the divine in her! much love, d


  3. Ann Manatt February 19, 2011 at 8:32 am // Reply

    Thank you both for your courage. Although it may flow easily now and look effortless, getting to love at this deep place is the journey of heroes and heroines.


  4. Karen February 19, 2011 at 8:05 pm // Reply

    Synchronicity here again. Today I was contemplating my fear of being near and my longing for being near. I was almost wondering if my fear would prevent me from actually starting a relationship with my divine equal passionate love. At the same time I was feeling an intuitive call to just go deep with him and to share what comes in the way for me. Your answers affirm that I can do this. I am looking forward to the course and the community. Heartfelt gratitude, Karen


  5. Manali Shah February 20, 2011 at 2:19 am // Reply

    Wonderful answers. Thank you both for giving readers like us hope 🙂


  6. Patrick March 1, 2011 at 1:01 am // Reply

    Is there a link to find out more about the Deeper Love Retreat-at-Home?



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