The Gift You Were Born to Give


man-on-rocks-beach-arms-raised-to-sky-cloudsWhenever I start a new client with Awakening Coaching, it begins with four questions.

The first is, “What are your objectives of entering into this coaching relationship?” This means, “What do you want? What’s important to you?”

The second question is, “What gets in the way? What are the the habits, beliefs, and situations in your life that you’re aware interfere with what you’re most longing for?”

The third question is, “What can we count on you for? What are your strengths? What are the habits that you’ve already developed in your life, where you and everyone else can hold you accountable?” For some, it may be that they’ve cultivated the habit of transparency, of telling the truth. For someone else, it might be the daily practice of meditation or Chi Kung.

And the last question has to do with outcomes. “At the end of this eight week coaching series, how would you like to be different? What would you like to be different? How would you like things to look, in an objective, measurable way?

Through working with clients in this way, and similar ways, for more than 25 years, I’ve come to recognize the difference between “extrinsic” values and “intrinsic” values. Simply put, an extrinsic value is something that you’ve been taught to want. It’s the means towards getting something else.broken-money-tree1The most obvious example of this is money. Putting an extra hundred thousand dollars in your bank account is not intrinsically fulfilling. It actually makes no difference to the quality of your life at all. It’s a means to get other things, like a vacation, or a different car, or being of greater service to more people.

There are so many things like this that we think we want, that we’ve been taught to want, but when we look more deeply into them we discover that they didn’t arrive out of our innocent, original, unconditioned heart.

Another desire I’ve come to be cautious about in coaching as an “extrinsic” value is the desire of enlightenment, or some kind of spiritual goal. This may seem surprising, because many times we think of this as the ultimate intrinsic value. A small child never talks about enlightenment, nor do any of us when we speak freely, openly, from our innocence, it’s another conditioned value that we’ve been taught to want by spiritual teachers and traditions.

danceSo what are “intrinsic” values, then? What are the things which coaching clients say they want, and which actually bring them home to themselves, to real fulfillment? When we strip away what we’ve been taught to believe and desire, what remains is natural. There’s no one simple answer to the question, of course. Words like “love” and “peace” and “connection” point in the right direction.

If we had find one simple sentence which most effectively taps into the motherlode, it would be, “To give the gift I was born to give.”  This means to give the love that’s waiting to be given in my heart, to sing the song I was born to sing. Working with people all these years, I’ve come to discover a relaxed certainty that everyone has a gift to give. It may not be what they like doing, it may or may not be what makes them money, and it may not gain them worldly recognition. But whenever a human being taps into the gift they were born to give, they discover destiny. Life becomes a dance. They discover a well-spring of energy, commitment, and passion that could never be manufactured through force. They discover a spontaneous dance of support from life.

I’ve come to learn a lot about what allows someone to give their true gift. Please join me for a free tele-seminar this Thursday, September 16th at 6pm PST/ 9pm EST and I’ll share with you the secrets that I’ve learned. If you can’t make the live call, register anyway and you can listen to the replay on the same play page.


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22 Responses to “The Gift You Were Born to Give”

  1. Morgine September 15, 2010 at 1:59 pm // Reply

    Yes Yes!! I so understand now! I have been searching for mine for years and once I “got it”, it was like my world turned inside out, everything I have been through had meaning and all the pieces sort of feel into place. My passion is “Inspiring Your Love”. I do that as naturally as I breathe with friends, clients, even strangers. I help people love themselves, love others, love challenging situations. It is something I never really recognized or owned for most of my life, because it was just a part of who I am! I didn’t see how “that” could be “It”! Yet when it became evident to me, lights went off all over the place and I feel so much more excited getting out of bed in the morning!! Very IMPORTANT realization to talk about!! Thank You for inspiring others to find theirs! I LOVE your work Arjuna!!


  2. Mits September 15, 2010 at 2:01 pm // Reply

    But the question is how does on discover the gif you were born to give. Your life’s work


  3. Ron September 15, 2010 at 2:59 pm // Reply

    This also relates to your post on payment…If you say you can help someone awaken I believe you should put your money where your mouth is…I dont have any money and I keep stumbling over habits limiting beliefs and self sabbatoge…I have invested time and money in many modalities of healing/awakening only to be dissappointed and left essential where I am at…stuck and depressed…I have an offer as an experiment you coach me and because of your skill as a teacher my life improves which means my income improves and based on concrete outcomes i.e. my income increase I will agrea to pay you 50% of any income over my current level which is about5-6hundred a month…what say ye…time to put your coaching where your outcome is…no fear should be present in your decision because you will only be paid on the results you actually provide…and we document everything and show people a real live demonstration real time reality based…let me know contact me by email and I will give you my contact info..God Speed


    • Light September 15, 2010 at 3:55 pm // Reply

      I had to jump in here to mention how I feel about “payment” for life coaching, or attunements, or other helping modalities.

      Payment of cash money is really an exchange of “energy”… One person puts energy into working, helping, or whatever they wish, and from that they often receive money (which is energy).

      The Blessing of any life coaching or other life confirming teaching is WORTH energy.

      The “coach” is giving “energy” by offering you their knowledge and guidance, etc. If the receiver of this energy gives nothing in return, then the “energy” is only moving one way. It is not the way that loving energy works.

      And my ideas on if someone learns from a life coach, mentor, teacher or shaman is that it is up to the student to open up to learn. We have the ability to learn from everyone. The teacher/coach can’t force anyone to understand their shared ideas and thoughts and “homework” in order to aid your positive intake and also for the “student” put into action the lessons offered.

      I never feel it is right to ask someone to prove how good they are with their “energy” when you are not willing to give your “energy” to receive the gifts given. People have that mentality, are usually not ready for the experience, anyway.



    • yvonne September 16, 2010 at 1:16 am // Reply

      So Ron, what you are essentially saying is that you put a lot of money in all sorts of teachings and trainings and nothing changed in your life. Yet you still want another teacher/coach to do the same (teach you) now for free, although you didn´t get results from others that offered the same and you payed for.
      Why do you think it will help this time, because of the assumption that there is a lot at stake for the coach? Maybe the reason for still being stuck is because you apparently all the time look on others to make it better for you?
      Since you state you still are stuck (depressed and broke)I suggest (for free) that you should look on the other side of teaching, which is learning. And that is always about yourself.
      In other words (suggestion 1): direct your attention from the teacher to the learner (not what should be learned or must be the outcome of it).
      And(suggestion 2): be compassionate, you are allowed to feel like you make mistakes, that´s part of learning.
      Last (suggestion 3): develop patience. This will take a lifetime!
      Result: love of life, and with it all the help and things you long for now and look on others for to get.
      Try it, it´s free.

      Arjuna, Thanks for your wonderfull teachings in all shapes and forms. Hopefully see you soon.


    • Arjuna Ardagh September 21, 2010 at 1:16 am // Reply

      as I mentioned above, Ron, the tone of your posts here, which I have not edited, lend me to suggest psychotherapy. If you have no money, you can get help on medicare or some other program. I help plenty of people for free all the time, but people have to want to face themselves. You sound like a child having a tantrum, and for this a therapist can help you better than someone like me.
      love to you


  4. Bruceann September 15, 2010 at 3:44 pm // Reply

    I had to stop reading when I read that money only brings you things, that money does not change the quality of you life. I have to so… disagree with that statement.

    When one can not afford health insurance, or to go to a good Dr. it can and most likely will certainly change the quality of your life. I’ve been where I had good medical coverage, but due to a divorce, lately to get medical care my only option is to go to a clinic. I can tell you , you get far less care at the clinic then if i had good health insurance, which would cost $600.00 at my age of 58. Health care is unafordable at that price.
    I heard a successful entertainer on Oprah the other day that has had her struggles in life, on an emotional level, say money dosen’t give you everything, but what it gives you is options. In my opinion those options can indeed can change the quality of your life, especially when it comes to your health, because if you don’t have your health you don’t have anything.

    I say all this with respect to the fact that money isn’t everything either. Blance is always key.

    blessing to all


  5. Nancy September 15, 2010 at 7:48 pm // Reply

    Yes! We are well-equipped to give our gifts, too. Synchronicity, ease and grace seem to show up more often when we are aligned with our gifts.


  6. Gary September 15, 2010 at 8:30 pm // Reply

    I’d love to give my gift. But first I have to know what my gift IS. That seems to be the big challenge.


  7. Irene September 15, 2010 at 8:51 pm // Reply

    Thank you for this thought provoking article. I too have been searching for my life purpose, so am really looking forward to your teleseminar.

    And thank you Morgine. When I read your phrase “the lights went off”, that triggered an aha moment for me. Because what I do is help turn on the lights for other people, ie, help them gain clarity and understanding about their problems. Only I don’t do it as a career or as work; I do it with everyone who crosses my path. And it comes so naturally, that I have just taken it for granted

    So I have been living my life purpose and didn’t know it. What was throwing me off was thinking that it had to be associated with a particular job or career


  8. ron September 16, 2010 at 5:14 am // Reply

    Hey yvonne go fuck yourself…you missed the entire point you must be one of those assholes who gives shitty counseling advice to hear your self speak…The whole point is about a results based outcome which should be the teachers goal not getting paid…and yes putting your money where your mouth is can be the best way to assure both parties receive their outcome…so piss off


    • yvonne September 16, 2010 at 1:19 pm // Reply

      Hi Ron, Thanks for bringing your point across again. I got it the first time though and now I want to correct your assumption that I probably am a counselor. I work for commercial `results based outcome´ businesses and I just intended to broaden your outlook a bit by sharing my perception on the matter you posted. Which is as good as yours. That´s it. I obviously didn´t succeed.
      So if your response to the blog had to result in reasoning about `results based outcome´ with awakening coaching, I can say that your outcome is 0 so far. That´s not much of a result for someone who wants to make his point so much that he does it twice. I wonder why …
      All the best


  9. ron September 16, 2010 at 2:39 pm // Reply

    Yvonne no one asked you for your perceptions…your customers must think you are opinionated and they probably dont get their results at least not from you…Listen clearly now I am talking to Arjuna…It is about teachers promising outcomes(enlightenment/awakening)get you to pay a fee get you in and then blame you the Learner your words and put the emphasis on the student being reponsible for achieving the outcome…Guru means from darkness to light the Teacher should shine his/her light as long as required to facilitate the student to see on their own…So it is just like in school the teacher loves the happy A student because it is easy…If you have a d or f student you have failed…to shine enough light for that child…so he can turn his own light switch on or up to at least a C…If I say everything articulately and nice and polite I am a good student/client the moment I express myself in frustration or anger I am made wrong…Arjuna can help all the pretty/polite people he wants our world really starts changing when people like arjuna help people like me who are stuck in the dark and need a little extra lovelight shined upon our darkness and holding and extending love to help me cross the big divide…Jesus never judged or charged and as a matter of fact he even gave a free fish or two away…


    • yvonne September 17, 2010 at 4:55 am // Reply

      O.K., Ron, I leave you to the waiting on a response from Arjuna.
      With respect to the lovelight that shines in you (hope you don´t mind)…


    • Arjuna Ardagh September 21, 2010 at 1:13 am // Reply

      with great respect, dear friend, the tone of your comment lends me to sincerely suggest you seek psychotherapy rather than anything to be found here. If you have typhoid it is not the time to visit the gym or health food store. If you are unhappy and striking out at people you do not even know, therapy is the best route
      with love to you


  10. Irene September 16, 2010 at 5:18 pm // Reply


    There was absolutely no need to attack Yvonne the way you did, and I found your garbage mouth language really offensive.

    Yes, you may have been talking to Arjuna, but these blog posts are an open forum for everyone, and people frequently comment on other people’s posts. Most people understand that.

    Yvonne was just trying to be helpful and I think you overeacted.

    Grow up kiddo. This is NOT school anymore. We are not here to get A’s or B’s
    This is life in the grown up world, and growing up means taking responsibility for what happens in our own lives, whether we like it or not.

    The teachers have been shining their light ie, giving you useful information. It is up to you to use that info …not to get a passing grade…but to modify and apply the info in a way that works for you and makes you happy. That’s what taking responsibility means, not playing the blame game.

    And if you believe that sitting around bitching and complaining while teachers shine their light on you is somehow going to get results, you are a fool. That’s fairytales. What you really want is a fairy godmother with a magic wand.

    In the real world, the teachers give you their light, and it is up to you to take that light and get the results that you want.

    Get yourself a good therapist to help you deal with all that hostility and anger you are lugging around. That’s whats screwing up your life. That hostility is emotional manure…light cannot change the manure; you have to get a shovel and shovel it out.

    Nor is anyone else’s responsibility to clean up your crap. You are no longer a baby in diapers. Grow up and learn some self control. No one appreciates you shooting off your emotional manure at them.


  11. Ron September 21, 2010 at 5:27 am // Reply

    All of you including you A can go fuck yourself’s you will see what I am talking about within the next year…You will need to help as many people as you can as this Depression kicks into high gear…Oh and for the really offended lady your just a worthless CUNT any way…I knew if I spoke poorly all you awakened assholes would freak out and that is my point…don’t think yourself so enlightened if you cant help the lowest of the low…stick with all of your happy shiny people and let them tell you all your happy stroking ego bullshit so you feel better about yourself…Oh and Arjuna you piece of shit..I have been to therapies and books and teachers they now all have my money and still where is this peace you say you own…kiss my fuckin ass and you my friend need pyscho therapy maybe even a foot up your ass…oh and light you should change your name to asshole because you are full of shit


  12. Irene September 21, 2010 at 6:13 pm // Reply

    You are like a little bird in the nest with it’s mouth wide open waiting for all the mommy and daddy birds to feed and take care of him.

    But you do have wings to fly and do that yourself. Those wings are the talents and abilities that God gave you; that is YOUR light. Teachers and coaches just help you learn how to fly by yourself.

    How come you ain’t shining your light on others and helping them?

    How come you ain’t using the talents that God gave you?

    The bad news is that life is full of problems and obstacles. The rest of us had to deal with stuff we didn’t like in childhood and as adults. You are not the only one.

    The good news is that we have all been given intelligence, problem solving abilities and a variety or talents to deal with those problems

    So you can continue playing the blame game, wallowing in self pity, giving everyone the finger and spewing verbal diarrhea all over them if you don’t like what they say.

    Or you can reach out and give a helping hand to those worse off than yourself, and shine some of your light on them.

    It is your choice, and each choice will bring very, very different results into your life.

    No one can create flying(results) for you; you gotta do the work of flapping your own wings.

    And if you think you can lash out at people with your verbal and emotional diarrhea; show extreme contempt and disrespect for their feelings, and then expect them to help you, you are crazy.

    You are not getting results because you don’t want results. You just want to judge everyone else and make them the bad guys so you can feel good about yourself. How sad.

    You may think you are giving us the finger, but when you refuse to use your skills and abilities to help yourself, you are really giving God the finger…he gave you those talents for a reason

    And if you don’t want to listen to anyone else, then go talk to God. His light is within you, and you have direct access to Him at all times. Free of charge.

    Paying money for coaching, then refusing to listen to good advice ain’t a very smart thing to do. It is a total waste of money.


  13. Ron September 21, 2010 at 6:41 pm // Reply

    I resign from the school of enlightened assholes…I must of join the wrong group…y’all have no clue and you can kiss my ASS


    • yvonne September 22, 2010 at 2:43 am // Reply

      Now Ron, it´s a shame to see you leave. You started to remind me of a relative of mine who passed away a couple of years ago. At his best he was grumpy and most of the time he was angry and even raged at everybody and everything no matter what was said or done. It didn´t keep me from telling him off now and again, nor suggesting him what I thought was the case, when his upset exploded in someones or my face,or hug him just because I felt like it. Mind you,we also had laughs and little understandings exchanged in eye contact. But he was a grumpy old fart of a man, he just kept on being angry, no matter what. It never came to my mind his anger had anything to do with me. It is the way things go sometimes for some people, apparrently. That´s all.
      The way you responded to all what has been writen, reminded me that despite of his behaviour I always ´just´ loved my brother-in-law (who was here for over 40 years of my life!). And maybe because of my experience with him, I never felt offended by your words. I just know when to back off, and “let you stew in your own juice”.(Without expecting ´results´:).
      So I would hate to see you leave the ´wrong group´, in your words, without personally saying thank you. The way you carry yourself triggered me into bringing back memories of my relative. And with them a smile on my face and the realization that eventhough he is gone, the love is still here, independent. You made me realize that, Ron. Thanks man, for your gift.


  14. diana September 28, 2010 at 4:55 am // Reply

    Dear all, I just listened to the teleclass about gifts today. I was SEEKING such a long time how to place my gifts, it worked very little. Now I feel so much relief because I can`t FORCE it, I just have to find the truth of my heart without IMMEDIATELY finding concret answers like “so I will be this or that”. At a seminar Chameli said: at the end even selflove won`t be the ultimate “goal” but why you are here on this planet right now. Even giving the fullness of your inner gift you still might be some kind of neurotic.” Real freedom for me was that I didn`t mind any more what would be interesting for me (developement, enlightening, perfection and so on )but how I can contribute my little part to this global situation. Thank you both so much!


  15. Jessica October 22, 2010 at 2:57 pm // Reply

    nice .how can I be pretty?and have a good relationship?I loved one guy who dosen’t love me .sad


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